Tag Archives: Moses

Harvest Feast, Halloween, and Hanging out…

Standard

I know I am petty bad about updating this thing, but really my blog its more for me than anyone else… If you choose to read it I do appreciate it, but really it is primarily a way for me to sort my thoughts out…

Since the breakup a lot has gone on, and yet not much at all… But life is starting to look up. I’ve been growing inside, which is great, I’ve seen a lot of good stuff happening around me… then again I guess there’s a lot of heart aches too.

I know the Jason is hurting and that kills me. I hate seeing a friend going through so much pain and knowing that it is my doing. but I have to be true to myself… and even Jason admits that he was trying to change me.

So Halloween went pretty well, I spent the weekend with Hengist, Mira, Thorolf, and Sabrina… It was really nice having us all together all weekend. On friday night we all went up to a Halloween party at a friend’s house in Bremerton. I ended up dressing as “Rosie the Rivitor”… Even loaned me an aluminum pipe wrench that totally made the costume… And I got to see a bunch of my friends that I haven’t seen in way too long. It was really a blessing.

Saturday we all went to another party in Seattle… And there I got to see a bunch more of my SCA friends that I haven’t seen in months or in a couple of cases a few years (along side the usual suspects of course)… This time I borrowed one of Mira’s costumes and so I was an “anarchy cheerleader.” Yet again we all got goofy and had a great time…

Strangely enough, Sunday everything was pretty tame… Mira had a belly dancing show scheduled at Karma in Puyallup, and Sabrina headed back home to Yakima. So Hengist, Mira, Thorolf and I went to the show where we saw Dana also… But the venue was putty barren so we just ate a nice indian food dinner… (lamb vindaloo – yum!) Mira want feeling too hot anyways, so it was probably good that she didn’t dance.

On monday, I woke up sicker than snot with a fever… And I have spent the whole week in bed recovering… It’s a brutal bug this year, almost everyone we saw this weekend caught some variation of it (lucky butts Sabrina and Thorolf exempt)…

I was capable of functioning about midday friday which is good because I discovered a horrible lump on Moses’s torso… so by the generous grace of Sven and Anne, we took Mo to the vet. The very want quite sure what was going on, but after he took some fluid from the limp he saw it was infected so mo got a shot of strong antibiotics which have been helping immensely…

Moses is still having thyroid troubles,  so we adjusted his meds a bit, hopefully that helps with his neurological problems, but he is ever too skinny… He only weighed in at 9.1 lbs when he should be somewhere around 16 lbs…. So somehow we have to get him eating enough food to start putting on the weight. Wish him luck, he needs it.

Saturday was harvest feast… Which was okay, but Hengist and Mira didn’t go because they couldn’t eat anything on the menu (stupid gluten), and Sven didn’t go because he was a groomsman in a wedding. Feasts are so bunch more fun with them there…

After harvest feast Thorolf and I went to an after party which was pretty tame (that was preferable though) and later we went to see my friends the Hard Money Saints, and James Hunnicutt play at a bar just past the Roy Y. It was great seeing James, Jack, Mondo and Nick after so long… Kinda weird wearing my viking garb to the trail end of a rockabilly show, but all was good. Lastly we hit up Walmart to pick up some last-minute toys for tots donations then home…

I think I did way too much because I’m feeling pretty icky again (or still) but it has been great seeing all my friends I have been missing. Kills like I may have some photocopy gigs coming up possibly too to help concert my gas bill a bit better… Which is a relief… But a real job is priority…

Also congrats go to my cousin who had her baby… He is a cutie-pie although I have never met him because I have been sick… And I have a phone interview on the 12th.. So wish me luck with that… I have been out of work so long… I’m stir crazy…

I feel like I’m figuring myself out which is exactly what I need to do… Still waiting on my final “no”from the military, and if that happens I will look into counseling to help sort me out memtally a bit more… I think it could be of great value…

I’ll try to keep this a bit more updated… It’s good for me to write out my thoughts, and if you care to read my ramblings, great! If not, oh well… like I said this is mostly for me!

Advertisements

Just an update…

Standard

So I just got a new phone, hopefully this means that I will be posting a bit more often than I have been. It’s funny how out of touch not having a phone makes you. I didn’t even realize that I have really been that out of touch.

Currently, I am out of work, but it seems that a few opportunities are opening up for me, so one is bound to pan out. Moses has also been really sick. He has a condition with his esophagus where it doesn’t push the food all the way down to his stomach. Basically muscles right above the opening to his stomach are dead. It’s a pain but its something we can work with, we just have to hold him up vertical after every meal.

Other than that not much else is going on…caught up witha friend or two and ive just been living my life. Hopefully I will have more to report later. Have nice day!

And Now for Something Completely Different…

Standard

Okay well maybe not completely different, probably just more of the same really. My life is changing more and more… it’s just crazy. Sometimes I feel like I am in this endless cycle that just repeats itself over and over again only with different names, places, and faces. yet now this time it’s a lot of the same names and faces… but all in different contexts…

So, I guess I will start on the religious front. I have been growing and growing in the lord which is awesome, but I guess that  couldn’t last too long without a struggle… so here it is; Spiritual warfare, and it sucks. My whole world has been falling down around me and my health is failing alongside it all.  Jason has been doing everything he can to try to help keep me afloat and growing — and his efforts have made a significant difference. I feel bad though because I know he wants to be my hero and fix it all and unfortunately he can’t. I am so afraid that I will drag him down with me. He keeps telling me its okay, but I know it affects him which worries me… I hate to see him hurting and I hate being a burden as well.

This is not my first bout of spiritual warfare since I accepted Christ back into my heart, I had a huge bout of it while I was in STC (Special Training Company) at Boot Camp. My SDI (Senior Drill instructor) and Chaplain helped me though it which was awesome… they kept me out of MHU (Mental Health Unit) for the duration of my stay there, a lot of my problems was indeed my health back then as well. Truth is I haven’t been 100% since before boot camp.I wasn’t healing and then I started having nightmares… HORRIBLE nightmares… The most vivid was the one that liked to repeat itself regularly…

WARNING: The following paragraph is very graphic skip to the next paragraph if you cannot handle gory creepy evil stuff…

In my nightmares I would dream of this post apocalyptic world where demon-zombie entities terrorized those of us who were left… It was more vivid than any horror movie has ever been and probably ever will be. They would attack innocent people and commit the worst atrocities. the most vivid image that still terrorizes me from time to time was when I witnessed (in my dream of course) one of these evil entities ripping a woman’s unborn child from her womb and devouring in front of her before consuming her piece by piece as well… It was stuff like that constantly terrorized my dreams…

So my SDI allowed me and a select few other girls who had a strong grasp on our Marine Corps “knowledge” (aka all the textbook type stuff they teach you at boot camp i/e history, customs, specs, etc.) to read novels during our study times in order to keep us motivated (and in my case sane)… It helped immensely. My Chaplain gave me various verses to reference and helped distract me with a small bible collection in my footlocker of all the free versions he was given to distribute to recruits… along with a number of tracts and whatnot…  It’s amazing how those simple small things got me though it all.

But now this is different, I am in the real world not sheltered from society and protected like I was at Recruit training… now I have to worry about money, rent, and food. Now I have a dog that depends on me. Moses Helps me through it all now… When I have my night terrors (although the dreams tend to be flashbacks of my father’s suicide and/or alternate realities where I am tormented by my family and my memories, and my current life situations… Very much like the trippy dreams in the movie Shutter Island.

The dreams aren’t the only thing attacking me either. I am battling a waking depression that has slowly seeped in and took a hold of me while I was on a business trip to Yakima last week and tried to get me on Sunday while I was at church. It was so bad in fact that I just sat down when I was helping Jason set up for Sunday School and zoned out… Church helped in the end, Rex (our pastor) gave a great sermon that used the example of a Simpsons episode and how it is important to lead by example and to be missionaries… Living the Christian lifestyle… It lightened the load very much, however, I still feel this ever-tightening noose… And it’s everything for me to not crack at times.

But I do know this, I will get though it. God will prevail as he always does. And most importantly I know that God is in fact on my side…

And now for something kind of related but still completely different…

In reference to my failing health; It’s a bleeping mystery. I’ve had this rash that started when I was sick back in January and it has just been getting exponentially worse as I go along. While I was in Yakima I started getting sicker with my stomach problem (which is still not ‘cured’ and now I am unable to afford my prescription for Protonix — a 30 day supply for the GENERIC is over $120!) and my rash spread ever further and now I have a new symptom, some of the spots actually hurt under the skin… like one of my ribs will get sharp pains and feel like it has cracked or it will have a dull ache for hours at a time without anything even touching it…

So I went to St. Joe’s ER last night and had them look at it all.. They weren’t at all concerned about my generally feeling ill and nauseous so much as the rash that covers my body from toe to scalp. Truth is they had no clue as to what to diagnose me as… So they concluded that it was “dermatitis” (which is a fancy word for “rash”) and sent me home with a few prescriptions for anti inflammitories and benedryl for itching… I am also to see a dermatologist ASAP so I have an Appointment for Thursday… Hopefully they will be able to figure it all out then… I pray it is not too serious.

I also need to quit my job. When they hired me they told me it was a M-F 9-6 job that also required 2 Saturdays a month… However in reality I am driving a shit ton and my car is taking a beating for it, I am not getting paid even remotely adequate for gas, and I am working 10-12 hours for only 8 hours a day. I cannot do this and I cannot find another Job while doing this, so I have to quit… I mean this job has me literally losing my hair!!!!

So yeah, as it stands I am looking at unemployment in the eye, I need to find a new place for me and Moses to live, (although that is somewhat handled… ) and I still don’t know what is wrong with me… on the plus side? I have Jason, and I love him, and he loves me and takes such good care of me… He’s a real source of strength and wonder for me… it’s amazing!

Here’s a quickie…

Standard

So here’s a quick update (As I need to get all of my homework finished by Autumn War… Summer Quarter is almost over.. I am hoping I make honor roll for the first time since high school. (I did get my diploma with “High Honors” Just so you know…) I don’t know if I Will be able to pull A’s out of all three of my classes, but I should be able to pull them out of my Math and Computers Classes hopefully… At least it is a start right???

Other than that my life has been centered around work and homework… no time even for another date with Allen… but then again it’s not like we are really a couple anyways… So yeah… That’s where it stands so far…

I have been taking the time to start reading for personal enjoyment again as well… I borrowed a great book from the public library called “What Southern Women Know (That Every Woman Should)” it’s really got some great advice for putting on the “Southern charm” I am hoping to soften my hard edges some and become more ladylike… and this one’s a good reference point… I know that when I was in all the fancy rich hospitals and medical centers throughout the southwest while I was at boot there was a definite charm to the women there that I could really take to. Everyone was so nice; even if they were only meeting me for a second… I guess that is just a little piece of that southern hospitality…

Well, I am going to let you go, Keep checking back for more!!!

P.S. To those concerned Moses is well. I got him a 3 foot long “bully” stick and he’d been happy as a clam gnawing away at that when he is not licking my feet…

Apparently the Few and The Proud are over-staffed..

Standard

So I had a date with Allen again last night. I drove there straight after work and we were both kind of burnt out when I finally go there… We had planned on dinner and a movie… but by the time we finished dinner (yummy Thai food!) We decided to just get some frozen yogurt and go back to his place to watch DVDs and hit the rack… So we did just that. I ordered too much frozen yogurt… I was hoping it would taste as strong and tart as Pinkberry or Yogurtland; but Alas TCBY has yet to figure that one out…

We went back home and tried to watch young Frankenstein (possibly my favorite movie…) Allen hasn’t seen it… I was dumbstruck! So we tried to watch it but he fell asleep about halfway through and I wasn’t far behind… I love snuggling with him at night… the only thing better is when I got Moses there also… (He wakes me up from my nightmares)

So we had to wake up early as Allen was road-tripping with his roommate back to Spokane to visit the family and such… so I hit the road back for home… I decided to stop into the Marine Corps Recruiters and asked them about my reenlistment eligibility… I am seriously considering DEP-ing in again… they told me that they are having trouble with even getting single waivers through let alone someone like me who is going to require a good number of waivers… I want my Eagle, Globe and Anchor… I need it. My life keeps fizzling out down here and I need to do something about it…

So they said that the Marine corps is essentially over-staffed… which is BULLSHIT!!! I am so ticked off right now I can hardly contain myself… I want to have a good life and while I know school is the right thing for me I also know that I could be very well served by the Corps… they did tell me to check in in Oct, as it is a new fiscal year… so I will have to do that… Hopefully I will be able to get DEP-ed in… either way I think I will start training for it… You know? I need to start working out more anyways…

So I found my little training book for prepping for Boot camp.. I think I will use it… It’s a really good system and helps cover a lot of good stuff… which reminds me I also need to sign up for the Gym at my school… and I also need to check on my Financial Aid… it’s now a month late… This is out of hand… I am really getting tired of worrying about money.

Well, talk at y’all later!

Twilight and other random crap

Standard

So I figure i should probably update this again…. the economy’s hitting way too close to home… Life hasn’t been this hard to live in years… I question my ability to make it on my own without a close partner in it anymore… and even then I imagine it being hard as hell still… Been sick a lot lately and can’t afford the meds to absolve some of the symptoms (like my sinus headaches) so I feel like am am losing a long held battle… but then again I have a real crappy immune system so that should probably account for something right???

So my job is on the line… If I so much as take a sick day it is all over… I am so stressed out… but my bosses are compassionate women… if they see me really sick and suffering I cannot imagine them keeping me there unnecessarily so I guess I should not stress it too much… life is just so darn crazy and frustrating right now…

I just finished reading the Twilight series and found it to be rather good… I noticed that the books developed and evolved very much the way that life does… maiden, mother, and crone or something like that… and it was comforting to be able to disappear into another world for a while… especially with mine getting so nutty as of late. I still find it funny how people have pilgrimages to Forks… that little nothing town… the books said it like it was a miserable wet place on the Olympic Peninsula… yet somehow people want to go see this little town… I remember the girls in California all excited to go… and when I told them that it was dirt and trees they laughed at me saying that it was nothing like that…. the book said practically the same thing! silly nut-jobs… you fell in love with the vampires and whatnot… i have some bad news for you — no Vampires… it was just a wonderful tale woven within the author’s imagination…

But getting back to reading again did kind of bring something out of me that I have not considered in years… My writing… I have always wanted to be a writer of sorts… but life got in the way and I got out of practice… I am thinking that maybe I should start writing some more… get back into the swing of things and see how it goes… maybe start with a few short stories and see what happens from there…

Maybe I will post some of that stuff up here… maybe not… who knows…

As for my idiot dog… he’s adjusting to this house quite well although he does drive me batty from time to time… I cannot go anywhere without him which has put a damper on my social life… Anne suggested we put him on some people meds for OCD in doggie doses… maybe that is what the little psycho needs… but as it stands I can hardly afford to feed him and I so that may still be a ways off… oh well — I need to focus on work as it stands anyways…

idk… maybe I will get to that writing now… see what happens….

Happy New Year…

Standard

So New years has come again…. and of course I have not updated my blog in quite some time… it’s not that I don’t think of it; it’s just that I get distracted too easily…

Working at Jenny is going okay although I was hoping to be promoted again by now… I live in Marysville now with my neurotic dachshund named Moses… (I doubt I would have named him that… but honestly another name hasn’t crossed my mind… he seems to recognize his name any ways… but then again he an answers to ‘tard, pain-in-the-ass, and many more much more vulgar names that I really shouldn’t call a dog that was rescued from abuse…

I’m trying to train him as well… it’s gonna be long and hard… I am thinking that I will start him in obedience school when I get the chance… I can tell he wants to be a good dog… he just doesn’t know how in all situations… So long as I am around he is generally behaved…

As for resolutions and whatnot, I have a few…

First; I want to get fit again… better than last year…. I want to be able to pass a PFT by the end of the year… in that case if I go for the military again I can do it… According to my old recruiters I just need a few waivers and to be more fit to show some initiative and prevent repeat injuries. I do want to go… but I don;Ft know if I can give up my family/friends here long enough to do it… and now I have a dog to worry about too…

Along those same lines I want to start doing Yoga… SDI SSgt. Mosqueda was so passionate about it and how good it is for you that I’m gonna believe her. She taught me so much… about the world and myself… If only I could have just listened to her and trusted her… everything she told us was right… I wasn’t in any damn special circumstances… I should have known that… I mean sure my injuries cause some special circumstances… but not anything else beyond that. I’ve sent her letters to thank her… but who knows if she got them. She changed my life.

And more on with the body…. I want to get back down to 120 or less… I need to do something because I really let myself go in CA… I was so depressed… I just don’t know how I let him control my life for that long…

I’m also working on my knitting more… I got this knitting book called ‘Domiknitrix’ and it basically inspired me to get more serious about it and fix all my errors as they go… I can honestly say that it’s good… my knitting is steadily improving and I am very happy for it…

John (aka “Atli”) and I are still seeing each other… It’s kinda nice being in the same region for the most part now… because it takes less planning to get together… he’s still quiet as hell but I guess he will always be that way… There is just something about him and the way he is that makes certain seemingly small moments monumental… a long phone call while I was browsing in a craft store… resting his head on my shoulder for just a moment, when he has a toothy smile (not often enough) just sitting quietly together… not saying anything… and Swedish pancakes… always! lol

Life isn’t so bad… but I did see some interesting stuff on the freeway today… Boulders that had fallen onto the road that were bigger than I am tall… it was crazy… they just flattened the guard rail… I have never seen anything like it… and to see from where they fell so high up… I mean wow… Nature is one mighty force… and the flooding in Arlington is all the way to I-5… I’ve only seen it on TV and stuff… seeing it in real life less then 10 feet away and rising up and coming after you in something else….kinda scary…. I can say I have new respect for floods… they are something that scares me.

Boeing strike is over….

Standard

Boeing is back to work.. Which means that John is now back in Everett. I am missing him more than the dog I think but Moses won’t leave my side which makes me think he can sense how bummed I am that john is gone…. I love him so much and I want to spend the rest of my life with him….

I hope that he can transfer down here sometime… And I hope that I can get a job soon so I am not so much a burden to him too…. He makes me so happy…