Tag Archives: Marines

And Now for Something Completely Different…

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Okay well maybe not completely different, probably just more of the same really. My life is changing more and more… it’s just crazy. Sometimes I feel like I am in this endless cycle that just repeats itself over and over again only with different names, places, and faces. yet now this time it’s a lot of the same names and faces… but all in different contexts…

So, I guess I will start on the religious front. I have been growing and growing in the lord which is awesome, but I guess that  couldn’t last too long without a struggle… so here it is; Spiritual warfare, and it sucks. My whole world has been falling down around me and my health is failing alongside it all.  Jason has been doing everything he can to try to help keep me afloat and growing — and his efforts have made a significant difference. I feel bad though because I know he wants to be my hero and fix it all and unfortunately he can’t. I am so afraid that I will drag him down with me. He keeps telling me its okay, but I know it affects him which worries me… I hate to see him hurting and I hate being a burden as well.

This is not my first bout of spiritual warfare since I accepted Christ back into my heart, I had a huge bout of it while I was in STC (Special Training Company) at Boot Camp. My SDI (Senior Drill instructor) and Chaplain helped me though it which was awesome… they kept me out of MHU (Mental Health Unit) for the duration of my stay there, a lot of my problems was indeed my health back then as well. Truth is I haven’t been 100% since before boot camp.I wasn’t healing and then I started having nightmares… HORRIBLE nightmares… The most vivid was the one that liked to repeat itself regularly…

WARNING: The following paragraph is very graphic skip to the next paragraph if you cannot handle gory creepy evil stuff…

In my nightmares I would dream of this post apocalyptic world where demon-zombie entities terrorized those of us who were left… It was more vivid than any horror movie has ever been and probably ever will be. They would attack innocent people and commit the worst atrocities. the most vivid image that still terrorizes me from time to time was when I witnessed (in my dream of course) one of these evil entities ripping a woman’s unborn child from her womb and devouring in front of her before consuming her piece by piece as well… It was stuff like that constantly terrorized my dreams…

So my SDI allowed me and a select few other girls who had a strong grasp on our Marine Corps “knowledge” (aka all the textbook type stuff they teach you at boot camp i/e history, customs, specs, etc.) to read novels during our study times in order to keep us motivated (and in my case sane)… It helped immensely. My Chaplain gave me various verses to reference and helped distract me with a small bible collection in my footlocker of all the free versions he was given to distribute to recruits… along with a number of tracts and whatnot…  It’s amazing how those simple small things got me though it all.

But now this is different, I am in the real world not sheltered from society and protected like I was at Recruit training… now I have to worry about money, rent, and food. Now I have a dog that depends on me. Moses Helps me through it all now… When I have my night terrors (although the dreams tend to be flashbacks of my father’s suicide and/or alternate realities where I am tormented by my family and my memories, and my current life situations… Very much like the trippy dreams in the movie Shutter Island.

The dreams aren’t the only thing attacking me either. I am battling a waking depression that has slowly seeped in and took a hold of me while I was on a business trip to Yakima last week and tried to get me on Sunday while I was at church. It was so bad in fact that I just sat down when I was helping Jason set up for Sunday School and zoned out… Church helped in the end, Rex (our pastor) gave a great sermon that used the example of a Simpsons episode and how it is important to lead by example and to be missionaries… Living the Christian lifestyle… It lightened the load very much, however, I still feel this ever-tightening noose… And it’s everything for me to not crack at times.

But I do know this, I will get though it. God will prevail as he always does. And most importantly I know that God is in fact on my side…

And now for something kind of related but still completely different…

In reference to my failing health; It’s a bleeping mystery. I’ve had this rash that started when I was sick back in January and it has just been getting exponentially worse as I go along. While I was in Yakima I started getting sicker with my stomach problem (which is still not ‘cured’ and now I am unable to afford my prescription for Protonix — a 30 day supply for the GENERIC is over $120!) and my rash spread ever further and now I have a new symptom, some of the spots actually hurt under the skin… like one of my ribs will get sharp pains and feel like it has cracked or it will have a dull ache for hours at a time without anything even touching it…

So I went to St. Joe’s ER last night and had them look at it all.. They weren’t at all concerned about my generally feeling ill and nauseous so much as the rash that covers my body from toe to scalp. Truth is they had no clue as to what to diagnose me as… So they concluded that it was “dermatitis” (which is a fancy word for “rash”) and sent me home with a few prescriptions for anti inflammitories and benedryl for itching… I am also to see a dermatologist ASAP so I have an Appointment for Thursday… Hopefully they will be able to figure it all out then… I pray it is not too serious.

I also need to quit my job. When they hired me they told me it was a M-F 9-6 job that also required 2 Saturdays a month… However in reality I am driving a shit ton and my car is taking a beating for it, I am not getting paid even remotely adequate for gas, and I am working 10-12 hours for only 8 hours a day. I cannot do this and I cannot find another Job while doing this, so I have to quit… I mean this job has me literally losing my hair!!!!

So yeah, as it stands I am looking at unemployment in the eye, I need to find a new place for me and Moses to live, (although that is somewhat handled… ) and I still don’t know what is wrong with me… on the plus side? I have Jason, and I love him, and he loves me and takes such good care of me… He’s a real source of strength and wonder for me… it’s amazing!

Figuring my “ish” out…

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So I still want to go back… I have tried and tried to get the Marine Corps Recruiters to work with me and it have been an uphill battle the whole way… What I fear is that even if I can get my waivers and all that they will try to stick me with a shitty job… Honestly; just for the title is that really worth it?

No matter what branch I join I will still get the same pay, benefits, and GI bill… so why no try to figure out an alternative plan incase the marines try to screw me as they are so known for… Yes I still want it… Desperately…. but I can’t compromise too much for a title… It goes against my nature.

I am doing okay in school still… been having a hard time doing my homework with my life so busy with work and I was so lonely for a time… now I think I might be stepping into something a bit more appropriate for my situation… While I wish life could be easier it could work… (I hope.)

Anyways; So I am going to talk to the other recruiters after their holiday weekend… not just the marines but teh navy Air Force and Army… I honestly never gave them the time of day before… and I really think I should give them a chance… hear what they have to say, and decide that way…

Either way I cannot afford school the way that I am doing it… I am already in debt up to my eyeballs and school just adds to it…. If I reenlist then I can take night classes while I am in… I think taht would be good for me…

SO here I stand… a bit older and a bit wiser staring my unknown future in the face… again…

As for news on my eyes/health/etc:

Went to the eye doctor and he looked in there and said that if he didn’t know better he would never have guessed my eye had been injured….

My legs don’t hurt anymore which is good… so that’s a plus… just got to build strength again… (another reason why another branch may be a better choice…)

My gastritis hasn’t flaired up in a while… and I haven’t been very careful at all… I just don’t drink as much… oh well…

All the other stuff was pretty superficial as well.. so I just need me a physical and that is good…

oh yeah and some dental work (not so good…)

Apparently the Few and The Proud are over-staffed..

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So I had a date with Allen again last night. I drove there straight after work and we were both kind of burnt out when I finally go there… We had planned on dinner and a movie… but by the time we finished dinner (yummy Thai food!) We decided to just get some frozen yogurt and go back to his place to watch DVDs and hit the rack… So we did just that. I ordered too much frozen yogurt… I was hoping it would taste as strong and tart as Pinkberry or Yogurtland; but Alas TCBY has yet to figure that one out…

We went back home and tried to watch young Frankenstein (possibly my favorite movie…) Allen hasn’t seen it… I was dumbstruck! So we tried to watch it but he fell asleep about halfway through and I wasn’t far behind… I love snuggling with him at night… the only thing better is when I got Moses there also… (He wakes me up from my nightmares)

So we had to wake up early as Allen was road-tripping with his roommate back to Spokane to visit the family and such… so I hit the road back for home… I decided to stop into the Marine Corps Recruiters and asked them about my reenlistment eligibility… I am seriously considering DEP-ing in again… they told me that they are having trouble with even getting single waivers through let alone someone like me who is going to require a good number of waivers… I want my Eagle, Globe and Anchor… I need it. My life keeps fizzling out down here and I need to do something about it…

So they said that the Marine corps is essentially over-staffed… which is BULLSHIT!!! I am so ticked off right now I can hardly contain myself… I want to have a good life and while I know school is the right thing for me I also know that I could be very well served by the Corps… they did tell me to check in in Oct, as it is a new fiscal year… so I will have to do that… Hopefully I will be able to get DEP-ed in… either way I think I will start training for it… You know? I need to start working out more anyways…

So I found my little training book for prepping for Boot camp.. I think I will use it… It’s a really good system and helps cover a lot of good stuff… which reminds me I also need to sign up for the Gym at my school… and I also need to check on my Financial Aid… it’s now a month late… This is out of hand… I am really getting tired of worrying about money.

Well, talk at y’all later!

I still want it…

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SDI SSgt Mosqueda was right… I NEED it… more than most of the other things I have ever wanted… It’s my missing piece…. I keep letting stuff hold me back and I just fall deeper and deeper… Time to start training up again… and building my immune system somehow… I’m not going back to FRP for anything… I’ve already had enough of that experience…

Might be eligable for the corps still…

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Went in and visited my old recruiter today… SSgt Spencer was the only one in… He said he’d look onto my reenlistment status and they might be able to help me out with the waivers that I would need to rejoin..

I still feel like I am missing something and I am pretty sure that is it… Maybe not being active duty so much as just the need for the title of marine you know?

I remember when the Huntington beach office told me I am just straight ineligible… Then I went to the navy and they said all I need is a waiver…. So maybe reserves? I still got a lot of healing and whatnot to decide with… But just that they are willing to to all the way up to the commandant If they have to means the world….

Either way I want to spend the next year getting more fit and starting a strong yoga regimen at least once a day…. That would be good for me if nothing else…

I start a job today– it is contractual temp work but they are considering me for a crew lead role…. I start in a few hours (at 2am) and can’t sleep although I am tired…

What if I joined the Marines Again?

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Still don’t know if I can do it; but I wonder — would I have the support of the ones I love for a second go around? Would more people write me??? Would less people??? The same? Different??

If I do go I would do it the right way this time… I would work towards that 1st class PFT the first time… and then work on surpassing it while there… I would learn how to take better care of myself while I was there… I would take yoga classes and or buy the videos… I would go with a better understanding and knowledge… I would have a better chance…

I feel like I have unfinished business over there on Parris Island… I feel like I cannot be satisfied with myself until I am a marine…

People ask me If I am afraid to go to Iraq or Afghanistan… And truthfully… I am not afraid… Do I want to??? Hell no! of course not!! but if I had to go I would be able to accept it.

I’d get my bull-dyke pixie haircut again… and I’d probably go +1 tattoo… Maybe reserves… maybe active… If they waved enough of a bonus in front of me I would definitely be influenced one way or the other…

I could really do better this time I think…. but I want to know… what do you think???

Not a Marine afterall…

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So I didn’t make it… but it’s okay… I managed to get myself hurt and sick all over…. I’m healing still but it’s slow…

They discharged me on thursday… I flew into LA and my wonderful man picked me up… I’m staying with my gramma down here until I figure out a place… I love him and we’re figuring out what o do next…

I’ll come back and visit Seattle soon… until then best of luck!

~K

Going to boot camp….

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As all of my dear friends should know, I am leaving for Marine corps Boot camp on Monday, which means I get dropped off at my recruiter’s office at 6pm Sunday night….

It’s gonna be a whole new life from now on… I’m kinda nervous… but it will be okay… I’ll make it, even if they put me in Physical Conditioning Platoon (PCP – AKA Pork Chop Platoon) which means boot camp will last longer…

I’ll be sending my address to everyone as soon as I can, but I am also going to be a very busy girl, so if you get my address, pass it on!!! I am going to be needing every letter that I can get!!! It doesn’t have to be long…. but I’ll take any letters I can get!!!

Here’s wishing me good luck!!!
xoxox

~KD