Tag Archives: life

Book Review: “Before You Get Engaged” by Rev. David Gudgel

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Before You Get Engaged [NOOKbook]Before You Get Engaged [NOOKbook] by David Gudgel

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I found this book a great read given that I am currently engaged. It was written well and was easy to follow. I wish I had read it months ago rather than after getting engaged. This book was still a great help because it helped to affirm that I am marrying my man for the right reasons and helped me to really analyze whether I am ready (which I am). All in all I would recommend this to anyone in a serious relationship that may be going down the road to marriage, or possibly for someone who is looking to find the right person and settle down.

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Book Review: “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work” by John M. Gottman PH.D.

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The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship ExpertThe Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country’s Foremost Relationship Expert by John Gottman

My rating: 2 of 5 stars

This book was recommended to me by my premarital counselor. I found it to be a painfully dull read and very clinical. I would however recommend it to a couple that fights a lot and would like to work though it as there is quite a bit of good advice for saving a marriage and recognizing when a fight is at a point where nothing will be accomplished aside from hurting someone’s feelings.

If you think your relationship is rocky or of it gets really bad when you fight, I could see this as a good book for you, also if you guys feel like you need to get to know each other better. I however do not have difficulty with the problems that this book addresses in my relationship. I hope that it can help others more than it helped me.

I would have one recommendation – read it as a couple and do the exercises together… it can’t hurt right?

View all my reviews

Harvest Feast, Halloween, and Hanging out…

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I know I am petty bad about updating this thing, but really my blog its more for me than anyone else… If you choose to read it I do appreciate it, but really it is primarily a way for me to sort my thoughts out…

Since the breakup a lot has gone on, and yet not much at all… But life is starting to look up. I’ve been growing inside, which is great, I’ve seen a lot of good stuff happening around me… then again I guess there’s a lot of heart aches too.

I know the Jason is hurting and that kills me. I hate seeing a friend going through so much pain and knowing that it is my doing. but I have to be true to myself… and even Jason admits that he was trying to change me.

So Halloween went pretty well, I spent the weekend with Hengist, Mira, Thorolf, and Sabrina… It was really nice having us all together all weekend. On friday night we all went up to a Halloween party at a friend’s house in Bremerton. I ended up dressing as “Rosie the Rivitor”… Even loaned me an aluminum pipe wrench that totally made the costume… And I got to see a bunch of my friends that I haven’t seen in way too long. It was really a blessing.

Saturday we all went to another party in Seattle… And there I got to see a bunch more of my SCA friends that I haven’t seen in months or in a couple of cases a few years (along side the usual suspects of course)… This time I borrowed one of Mira’s costumes and so I was an “anarchy cheerleader.” Yet again we all got goofy and had a great time…

Strangely enough, Sunday everything was pretty tame… Mira had a belly dancing show scheduled at Karma in Puyallup, and Sabrina headed back home to Yakima. So Hengist, Mira, Thorolf and I went to the show where we saw Dana also… But the venue was putty barren so we just ate a nice indian food dinner… (lamb vindaloo – yum!) Mira want feeling too hot anyways, so it was probably good that she didn’t dance.

On monday, I woke up sicker than snot with a fever… And I have spent the whole week in bed recovering… It’s a brutal bug this year, almost everyone we saw this weekend caught some variation of it (lucky butts Sabrina and Thorolf exempt)…

I was capable of functioning about midday friday which is good because I discovered a horrible lump on Moses’s torso… so by the generous grace of Sven and Anne, we took Mo to the vet. The very want quite sure what was going on, but after he took some fluid from the limp he saw it was infected so mo got a shot of strong antibiotics which have been helping immensely…

Moses is still having thyroid troubles,  so we adjusted his meds a bit, hopefully that helps with his neurological problems, but he is ever too skinny… He only weighed in at 9.1 lbs when he should be somewhere around 16 lbs…. So somehow we have to get him eating enough food to start putting on the weight. Wish him luck, he needs it.

Saturday was harvest feast… Which was okay, but Hengist and Mira didn’t go because they couldn’t eat anything on the menu (stupid gluten), and Sven didn’t go because he was a groomsman in a wedding. Feasts are so bunch more fun with them there…

After harvest feast Thorolf and I went to an after party which was pretty tame (that was preferable though) and later we went to see my friends the Hard Money Saints, and James Hunnicutt play at a bar just past the Roy Y. It was great seeing James, Jack, Mondo and Nick after so long… Kinda weird wearing my viking garb to the trail end of a rockabilly show, but all was good. Lastly we hit up Walmart to pick up some last-minute toys for tots donations then home…

I think I did way too much because I’m feeling pretty icky again (or still) but it has been great seeing all my friends I have been missing. Kills like I may have some photocopy gigs coming up possibly too to help concert my gas bill a bit better… Which is a relief… But a real job is priority…

Also congrats go to my cousin who had her baby… He is a cutie-pie although I have never met him because I have been sick… And I have a phone interview on the 12th.. So wish me luck with that… I have been out of work so long… I’m stir crazy…

I feel like I’m figuring myself out which is exactly what I need to do… Still waiting on my final “no”from the military, and if that happens I will look into counseling to help sort me out memtally a bit more… I think it could be of great value…

I’ll try to keep this a bit more updated… It’s good for me to write out my thoughts, and if you care to read my ramblings, great! If not, oh well… like I said this is mostly for me!

Now that it’s over…

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So a lot has happened lately, but the most has happened in the last week. Primarily, Jason and I broke up. While yes, we did have a relatively happy and healthy relationship, we also had some issues. (Besides if anything “relatively happy” isn’t enough – thanks for teaching me that daddy, miss you) Jason is an amazing man, and I really wish that it could have worked out for us, but at the core we had irreconcilable differences… At least we both were able to recognize this before we got married then ended up divorced.

But I have known this and been fighting it for some time… Deep down I already accepted our demise long before it came to this inevitable end. So now I wonder what exactly is going to happen, and what should I do…

With all the goals that I have set for myself, I can’t sit here in morn too long. I want to be a mother more than anything, and I just can’t wait forever to make that happen. But I also want to do it the right way, I getting married first and such. So really what I’m asking myself I guess, is if something that seems that might work comes along should I jump on it? or should I just sit here feel sorry for myself? The problem in that is that feeling sorry for myself just doesn’t seem right. But I don’t want to hurt Jason by it either.

I can’t really put words how bad I feel for Jason. He really did make me happy but pieces of me where missing in our relationship. I tried to hold on as long as I could, but without any major changes the inevitable was bound to happen. I tried to let his stuff grow on me and I tried to give up some of my things that he didn’t want, but I just couldn’t change and it didn’t work.

In the end I like who I am and I like who he is, but when the fairytale honeymoon was over, we just are not right for each other. I hope he can realize this in I hope we can stay friends, but if not I guess that is just how it has to be.

I’m grateful for the time we had, I’m sorry it had to end, but somewhere out there is someone special just for me. Just like there is someone special out there just for him.

Just an update…

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So I just got a new phone, hopefully this means that I will be posting a bit more often than I have been. It’s funny how out of touch not having a phone makes you. I didn’t even realize that I have really been that out of touch.

Currently, I am out of work, but it seems that a few opportunities are opening up for me, so one is bound to pan out. Moses has also been really sick. He has a condition with his esophagus where it doesn’t push the food all the way down to his stomach. Basically muscles right above the opening to his stomach are dead. It’s a pain but its something we can work with, we just have to hold him up vertical after every meal.

Other than that not much else is going on…caught up witha friend or two and ive just been living my life. Hopefully I will have more to report later. Have nice day!

Pretty Woman

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In Shaunti Feldhahn’s book “For Women Only: What you need to know about the inner lives of men,” she discusses how men surveyed for her book felt about how important looks are to them and the effects of a woman maintaining herself for her man.

I personally believe that a man is completely justified in wanting his woman to make a genuine effort towards her appearance and at taking care of herself. In my opinion, if a husband truly does love his wife, then a lack of self maintenance on her part, should be relatively disconcerting . A woman’s self maintenance is not only important because of her own health and well being, but the gesture of a woman trying to look her best around her man shows she cares. This not only helps in validating their relationship, but also helps to validate him as a man.

If one were to also consider God’s stance concerning their appearance, a plethora of theological and sociological contradictions would come flooding out. It is my own opinon that God would rather have his children find comfort in their own skin than ascribe themselves to some unreachable goal that the media shows us “what women should look like” every day.

I think God wants for us to treat our bodies as temples just as the bible suggests. Therefore, to properly respect it, one must make every reasonable effort at maintaining it so that it may stay healthy and energized.

In this chapter, the author made a big deal about the topic at hand being very hard-hitting and potentially hurtful to the reader.I however, was suprizingly unmaimed by the chapter’s contents. it just makes sense to me that a man wants a woman to put up an effort at being beautiful for him. Honestly I see it all as a two-way street. Now, I don’t neccessarily want my man to be taking care of himself solely for me, but rather that I would like to see him do it for himself and be healthy – the fact that he looks better the more he works out is just a bonus.

I guess the thing that did hit home for me in the chapter was how badly I need to go to the gym. My man goes to through a lot of effort to take care of himself, and I can’t honestly say that my efforts are comparable. In truth, I need to drop the excuses tht have been holding me back and get to work. I won’t say that this chapter triggered any sort of emotional reaction from me such as the author suggested, but I can see where other more sensitive women might get upset at the idea that their man wants them to look good for them.

I personally find myself very encouraged when I read “Sometimes I’ll meet a man whose wife is overweight – but she takes care of herself. She puts some effort into appearance… if she is comfortable in her own skin and is confident you don’t notice the extra pounds. I look at that husband and think he did well.” It goes to show that men really don’t generally set impossible expectations for the woman they love but rather, they appreciate when their woman makes the effort to be beautiful for their man. I myself am relatively comfortable in my own skin. Sure, I have my own insecurities – a good number of them. While I know I am out of my ideal shape, and I have some weight to lose, I also know that my condition is not helpless and that in itself is the thing that brings me the most comfort.

Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this blog do not necessarily reflect the opinions of any individual other than that of the author of this blog. Shaunti Feldhahn is in no way affiliated with this blog and is only referenced as the respected author of “For Women Only: What you need to know about the inner lives of men” and “For Women Only: Discussion Guide.” If you find these posts interesting, please show her the respect of purchasing and reading her books so that you may grow yourself.

You can look, but don’t touch….

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In Shaunti Feldhahn’s book “For Women Only: What you need to know about the inner lives of men,” she discusses the natural urge for men to look at and or think of various women throughout the day.

I guess what challenged me most about this chapter was how the author explained that most women don’t have pictures and images of men going and going through their minds later on after they have seen them. I guess I must think more on the plane of a man, because while I don’t think I necessarily struggle with tiny little men dancing through my head all day everyday, it does happen on a relatively frequent basis.

I will admit there’s a difference from my mind the average male’s. I probably have my boyfriend’s image pop up in my head on a relatively higher ratio than what I would expect from him in respects to me. I am not afraid to admit that I do have a movie star or two will cross my mind on a relatively regular and sometimes frequent basis (depending on what movies I have been watching around that time of course).

Truth be told, I can completely understand why most men will take a good look at an “eye magnet” if they get the chance to. It is my belief that God created the form of a woman to be a work of beauty that is meant to be admired by the man. Oftentimes, I will even notice a particularly beautiful woman myself and have to admire her as such, but then again that may just be the artist in me talking.

It is my opinion that one of the many major problems with our society today is that it has confused beauty with sex I really am sympathetic  to every man’s plight of  being bombarded every day with sexual imagery. Unlike generations past where men would have to specifically seek out sexually explicit imagery, men today are inundated with sexual images in the media or even with many of the women walking around in public.

I find it kind of absurd when women today complain that they do not want to be seen as sexual objects and yet they are the ones wearing skimpy, tight, and revealing clothing. I have come to believe that modesty has been lost on the younger generations of today. I will even include my own generation in this statement. I can remember being teased for not dressing “fashionable.” Back in those days I would usually dress in the baggy clothes often attributed to a skater, these were not only comfy and utilitarian, but they also were modest. In all honestly I have always found tight shirts and low cut jeans quite slutty, and while I do dress much more fashionably today, I still do make many efforts to remain modest in my dress.

For many people there is a very fine line between temptation and sin. Oftentimes people will even blur them together saying that the temptation itself is a sin. I would like to remind those individuals that even Jesus was tempted to sin in his time on earth. The sin itself doesn’t lie within temptation, but rather it is in acting upon that temptation.

Everyone is bound to be tempted at one time or another, perhaps a husband will be having a beer with his buddies down at the local watering hole and some hot supermodel looking lady propositions him. By nature he will probably imagine all that would entail and even be tempted to act upon that proposition. I believe that the temptation in that situation is not the sin; but rather if he were to take her up on that offer, it would be.

While most women are probably surprised to hear or are even horrified by the idea of their man thinking of explicit images, especially ones of other women; A good proportion of those women would also see this as a betrayal of them, but they should take care to recognize that these thoughts are oftentimes uncontrollable – they just pop into a man’s head without warning.

One way that I believe women can show love, trust, and support for their man is by not berating them for looking at or even thinking of another woman from time to time (if it is excessive however you guys may have something much more serious to discuss). If you see your man looking at a noticeably beautiful woman, admit that you think she is beautiful (out loud), you will likely be alleviating some of the guilt that he may have been feeling for simply peeking at her and you will really show him how much you trust him.

Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this blog do not necessarily reflect the opinions of any individual other than that of the author of this blog. Shaunti Feldhahn is in no way affiliated with this blog and is only referenced as the respected author of “For Women Only: What you need to know about the inner lives of men” and “For Women Only: Discussion Guide.” If you find these posts interesting, please show her the respect of purchasing and reading her books so that you may grow yourself.

You can look, but don’t touch….

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In Shaunti Feldhahn’s book “For Women Only: What you need to know about the inner lives of men,” she discusses the natural urge for men to look at and or think of various women throughout the day.

I guess what challenged me most about this chapter was how the author explained that most women don’t have pictures and images of men going and going through their minds later on after they have seen them. I guess I must think more on the plane of a man, because while I don’t think I necessarily struggle with tiny little men dancing through my head all day everyday, it does happen on a relatively frequent basis.

I will admit there’s a difference from my mind the average male’s. I probably have my boyfriend’s image pop up in my head on a relatively higher ratio than what I would expect from him in respects to me. I am not afraid to admit that I do have a movie star or two will cross my mind on a relatively regular and sometimes frequent basis (depending on what movies I have been watching around that time of course).

Truth be told, I can completely understand why most men will take a good look at an “eye magnet” if they get the chance to. It is my belief that God created the form of a woman to be a work of beauty that is meant to be admired by the man. Oftentimes, I will even notice a particularly beautiful woman myself and have to admire her as such, but then again that may just be the artist in me talking.

It is my opinion that one of the many major problems with our society today is that it has confused beauty with sex I really am sympathetic  to every man’s plight of  being bombarded every day with sexual imagery. Unlike generations past where men would have to specifically seek out sexually explicit imagery, men today are inundated with sexual images in the media or even with many of the women walking around in public.

I find it kind of absurd when women today complain that they do not want to be seen as sexual objects and yet they are the ones wearing skimpy, tight, and revealing clothing. I have come to believe that modesty has been lost on the younger generations of today. I will even include my own generation in this statement. I can remember being teased for not dressing “fashionable.” Back in those days I would usually dress in the baggy clothes often attributed to a skater, these were not only comfy and utilitarian, but they also were modest. In all honestly I have always found tight shirts and low cut jeans quite slutty, and while I do dress much more fashionably today, I still do make many efforts to remain modest in my dress.

For many people there is a very fine line between temptation and sin. Oftentimes people will even blur them together saying that the temptation itself is a sin. I would like to remind those individuals that even Jesus was tempted to sin in his time on earth. The sin itself doesn’t lie within temptation, but rather it is in acting upon that temptation.

Everyone is bound to be tempted at one time or another, perhaps a husband will be having a beer with his buddies down at the local watering hole and some hot supermodel looking lady propositions him. By nature he will probably imagine all that would entail and even be tempted to act upon that proposition. I believe that the temptation in that situation is not the sin; but rather if he were to take her up on that offer, it would be.

While most women are probably surprised to hear or are even horrified by the idea of their man thinking of explicit images, especially ones of other women; A good proportion of those women would also see this as a betrayal of them, but they should take care to recognize that these thoughts are oftentimes uncontrollable – they just pop into a man’s head without warning.

One way that I believe women can show love, trust, and support for their man is by not berating them for looking at or even thinking of another woman from time to time (if it is excessive however you guys may have something much more serious to discuss). If you see your man looking at a noticeably beautiful woman, admit that you think she is beautiful (out loud), you will likely be alleviating some of the guilt that he may have been feeling for simply peeking at her and you will really show him how much you trust him.

Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this blog do not necessarily reflect the opinions of any individual other than that of the author of this blog. Shaunti Feldhahn is in no way affiliated with this blog and is only referenced as the respected author of “For Women Only: What you need to know about the inner lives of men” and “For Women Only: Discussion Guide.” If you find these posts interesting, please show her the respect of purchasing and reading her books so that you may grow yourself.

Let’s talk about sex baby…

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In Shaunti Feldhahn’s book “For Women Only: What you need to know about the inner lives of men,” she takes a whole chapter out to specifically discuss sex in marriage. She does also take the time to state that she believes it should only occur in th confines of marriage. With that in mind, this post will be written under that premise.

Honestly, I was a bit surprised to read that most married man carry an emotional connection to sex with their wives. It seems that you always hear so much in the media about how men are just animals and how they are just out to fill a carnal need. In understand that sex is indeed a very physical need for all men with numerous health benefits. I also have been aware that sex is emotional for most men on occasion and I was surprised to hear that it s more frequent than not when a man is in love.

An important thing that women should consider is what kinds of messages they are sending to their husbands when they initiate sex. When a man’s wife initiates sex with him, it can send a very powerful message saying that he is both wanted and desired by his wife. This can be empowering to him as a man and provide a significant boost to his self-worth that he would not be able to get anywhere else.

It seems that women should want to have relations with their husbands quite regularly, but that us not always the case. The most frequent complaint I have heard women give about why they aren’t intimate is that everyday life gets in the way and they are just too exhausted by the end of the day to consider being intimate.

Personally, I believe that it is very important for every man and woman to make regular exceptions to their routines for their own good and, perhaps more importantly, for their significant other’s good. When a man sees his wife break her regular routines in order to please him (or vice versa) it can assure them that they are deeply loved, honored and respected. In terms of sex, not only are the physical effects good for both parties involved, but, the emotional and psychological effects are innumerable.

At one point, Feldhahn quotes what one man believes, “In making love, there is one other person  in this world that you can be completely vulnerable with and be totally accepted and non-judged.” I believe that this guy speaks directly to the heart of what it is all about. I hope that someday my (future) husband will see sex in this light and feel that same way.

I truly hope and dream the in the future I will be able to create a happy and healthy home environment for my man to feel safe enough to completely be himself without worries or stress. I can only hope that he would hope for and work towards the same as well and we will be able to remain happy together.

Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this blog do not necessarily reflect the opinions of any individual other than that of the author of this blog. Shaunti Feldhahn is in no way affiliated with this blog and is only referenced as the respected author of “For Women Only: What you need to know about the inner lives of men” and “For Women Only: Discussion Guide.” If you find these posts interesting, please show her the respect of purchasing and reading her books so that you may grow yourself.

The Provider

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In Shaunti Feldhahn’s book “For Women Only: What you need to know about the inner lives of men,” she discusses the deeply rooted need that most men have to provide for their women and their families. All to often anymore, it seems that women are expected to provide on an equal level with their men. Unfortunately, it also seems that men are now told they are no longer needed to be providers. For me, it was a comfort to read that the traditional ideals of a man providing for his family are not completely lost.

Personally, I do not feel the need to take on the role as a primary fiscal provider one I have a family. It may sound a bit archaic and traditionalist, but I feel that once I start my family, my place is to be in the home taking care of my children.

Now I have no qualms if some women want to have careers. It’s no for me is all. I can work if I need to, I just prefer to stay at home taking  care of it and my family. I prefer to think that I will be the one socializing and raising my children rather than paying someone else to do it for me. To be perfectly honest, I would have an extremely difficult time spending all of the money I earn at my job on paying for daycare where someone else to do what I would rather be doing if I wasn’t working anyways. It just doesn’t make sense to me.

Now please understand that I do not believe that staying at home and raising my family means that I just want to stay at home watching daytime television and eating bon-bons (yuck to both!). Rather, I believe that a stay at home wife/mom’s responsibilities are to take care of the household.

As a single woman however, I do my best to take care of and fully provide for myself in order to lessen the already plentiful burdens that I lay upon my man. I do what I can to help him with his business so that he may provide for us using that someday.

Given that we do not live together, that fact that my man works many long hours does not affect us too deeply. It does on occasion interfere with our ability to see each other and spend time together. It is something that I oftentimes find frustrating, but I do my best to be supportive and encouraging of him in all of his efforts.

I do unfortunately find myself oftentimes complaining that I do not get to see my man as much when he is being responsible and building his business. I know he is doing this as a means to provide for his future family (he oftentimes reminds me of this), but I still am not always mindful of him in this, and unfortunately, I do not always appreciate the full depth of what he is doing. I am proud to say that I do sometimes, on occasion, get it right when I encourage and support him in his efforts and assure him that I believe in him and support him in everything he is doing.

Personally, I find a man’s need to provide as something wonderful. It all too often is a disappearing trait in this modern society as so many women make a point of beating men down for wanting to provide and care for their women. Rather than putting a man down with such a noble motivation, I believe that women should make every effort to validate and support their man’s need to provide for them.

Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this blog do not necessarily reflect the opinions of any individual other than that of the author of this blog. Shaunti Feldhahn is in no way affiliated with this blog and is only referenced as the respected author of “For Women Only: What you need to know about the inner lives of men” and “For Women Only: Discussion Guide.” If you find these posts interesting, please show her the respect of purchasing and reading her books so that you may grow yourself.