Tag Archives: journal

The Wonders Never Cease…

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So I finally got another job… and this one doesn’t seem too shady or anything which is a relief… It seems like all here is out there are shady schemes or scams someone is trying to pull on some poor unsuspecting person who is completely desperate for a job. It’s sad to see how much evil that there is out there in our world today.

It seems so often that people use our world’s sad condition as a sign that the end times are coming… but I don’t know about that… I just don’t see the signs equaling what others try to denote them as. I guess I’m just blessed with an over-abundance of hope versus the average person. Where so many people see inevitable doom I am fortunately able to see hope and room for growth and improvement.

I will admit that I cannot always see things so happy and great… I am also burdened with a low self esteem, and a tendency to also see a hopeless future referring to my self. But, I blame my upbringing. I was raised in a house where everyone is mentally ill. I am half convinced that my family is cursed. From time to time I have fought some fierce battles inside myself desperate to hold on to what shreds of sanity remain, and I can say that I am foru fortunate enough to claim a general success.

Things are starting to look up for me. I’ve been fighting a lengthy and tiring spiritual battle for the last few months. I’d forgotten that once you grab on to a faith that is genuine that’s when the real demons come out to test you and make you let go. It hasn’t been easy; but I have been determined to hold on. The service last week on mothers day spoke to me in a much needed way… which is great. That little bit that spoke to me extra special seemed to be the thing that broke me loose from those bonds that those demons had a hold of me and allowed me to come out of my hole again. the funny thing is, I can’t tell you exactly what it was that did it though; just that it happened.

Sure my problems are still problems; but suddenly they are so much easier to deal with. Money is still an issue; and it will probably continue to be for some time. However, whatever it was that was holding me back from fully opening myself to God (which seems silly I know, given the whole he knows everything) no longer has that hold on me… I’ve been able to write in my prayer journal again and while my entries may be short, they are consistent.

I’ve been able to ask god to show me his will, and to mean it… I believe there is a significant difference there… and by doing so I have been blessed. I asked God to help me find a job that he wants me to have, and within days I have a decent job offer. I see the blessings beginning to abound in my life again. So this is good.

I can only hope that God also blesses you in the many ways he has blessed me as well. It’s amazing how the wonders never cease.

Isn’t it strange????

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Just talking with the people I love and care about makes me feel better… being honest with them… Not that I live a life of lies or deceit…. Never…. but there are those who you genuinely give a shit about… and they may not know it… or they might… but you feel like you can bare so much more to them… that you would do anything for them… If I have given you the address to this journal, then you are one of those people… and that means I miss you…. sooo much!!! For those that respond to my secret musings…. You really make me feel loved and adored… Thanks!!! You will forever remain a part of me and I can’t wait to visit….

Love you…

~K

PS: Georgia is all right… but there was nothing more beautiful than feeling the plane take flight from the runway in Savannah…. hehe…. The song I am listening to made me think of it….