So I have been spending a lot of my new found free time posting up most of my old poetry from 2001 and 2002… It’s funny how it all feels so different now… a lot of it was so innocent – yet I had no clue.. and still it was not that innocent at the same time. I had already endured and experienced so much by then. It’s just so hard to believe that that was the time that made me into who I am today.
Now I see a lot of the lasting effects of those times, how I see the world, how I act, how I feel, and probably most importantly how I give large pieces of myself away to other people and causes… A lot of the stuff that concerned me then is almost comedic… while I find it ironic that I have run back to my faith of that time as well.
A few funny ironies abound through it all… At that time I was a youth leader at Impact at Life Center… Rex was one of the main pastors there… it’s kind of funny as well, because now he is the main pastor at my new church. Also from that time, I thought I would need Tommy forever… and love him… I mean, he was my first love afterall… without his influence I seriously doubt that I would be half the woman I am today… Now he’s married and living his life… we have generally lost touch except for Facebook…
But that is all okay. I am back in God’s graces after my years of anger at him for not stepping in when I heard my dad crying to him for a break from the pain… I have been blessed too. I have found a deep love with an old friend… we are so compatible in so many ways, and yet we continue to grow towards each other. I am happy and I see a future… something I have always wanted to share… and now I truly believe that I have found that someone to share it all with… if you told me I’d be saying this back then – especially considering who it is… I’d have died of laughter… and so would he… but God works in funny ways… and I am blessed for it. I can only hope Jason is blessed for it too.