Tag Archives: Boys

Now that it’s over…

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So a lot has happened lately, but the most has happened in the last week. Primarily, Jason and I broke up. While yes, we did have a relatively happy and healthy relationship, we also had some issues. (Besides if anything “relatively happy” isn’t enough – thanks for teaching me that daddy, miss you) Jason is an amazing man, and I really wish that it could have worked out for us, but at the core we had irreconcilable differences… At least we both were able to recognize this before we got married then ended up divorced.

But I have known this and been fighting it for some time… Deep down I already accepted our demise long before it came to this inevitable end. So now I wonder what exactly is going to happen, and what should I do…

With all the goals that I have set for myself, I can’t sit here in morn too long. I want to be a mother more than anything, and I just can’t wait forever to make that happen. But I also want to do it the right way, I getting married first and such. So really what I’m asking myself I guess, is if something that seems that might work comes along should I jump on it? or should I just sit here feel sorry for myself? The problem in that is that feeling sorry for myself just doesn’t seem right. But I don’t want to hurt Jason by it either.

I can’t really put words how bad I feel for Jason. He really did make me happy but pieces of me where missing in our relationship. I tried to hold on as long as I could, but without any major changes the inevitable was bound to happen. I tried to let his stuff grow on me and I tried to give up some of my things that he didn’t want, but I just couldn’t change and it didn’t work.

In the end I like who I am and I like who he is, but when the fairytale honeymoon was over, we just are not right for each other. I hope he can realize this in I hope we can stay friends, but if not I guess that is just how it has to be.

I’m grateful for the time we had, I’m sorry it had to end, but somewhere out there is someone special just for me. Just like there is someone special out there just for him.

You can look, but don’t touch….

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In Shaunti Feldhahn’s book “For Women Only: What you need to know about the inner lives of men,” she discusses the natural urge for men to look at and or think of various women throughout the day.

I guess what challenged me most about this chapter was how the author explained that most women don’t have pictures and images of men going and going through their minds later on after they have seen them. I guess I must think more on the plane of a man, because while I don’t think I necessarily struggle with tiny little men dancing through my head all day everyday, it does happen on a relatively frequent basis.

I will admit there’s a difference from my mind the average male’s. I probably have my boyfriend’s image pop up in my head on a relatively higher ratio than what I would expect from him in respects to me. I am not afraid to admit that I do have a movie star or two will cross my mind on a relatively regular and sometimes frequent basis (depending on what movies I have been watching around that time of course).

Truth be told, I can completely understand why most men will take a good look at an “eye magnet” if they get the chance to. It is my belief that God created the form of a woman to be a work of beauty that is meant to be admired by the man. Oftentimes, I will even notice a particularly beautiful woman myself and have to admire her as such, but then again that may just be the artist in me talking.

It is my opinion that one of the many major problems with our society today is that it has confused beauty with sex I really am sympathetic  to every man’s plight of  being bombarded every day with sexual imagery. Unlike generations past where men would have to specifically seek out sexually explicit imagery, men today are inundated with sexual images in the media or even with many of the women walking around in public.

I find it kind of absurd when women today complain that they do not want to be seen as sexual objects and yet they are the ones wearing skimpy, tight, and revealing clothing. I have come to believe that modesty has been lost on the younger generations of today. I will even include my own generation in this statement. I can remember being teased for not dressing “fashionable.” Back in those days I would usually dress in the baggy clothes often attributed to a skater, these were not only comfy and utilitarian, but they also were modest. In all honestly I have always found tight shirts and low cut jeans quite slutty, and while I do dress much more fashionably today, I still do make many efforts to remain modest in my dress.

For many people there is a very fine line between temptation and sin. Oftentimes people will even blur them together saying that the temptation itself is a sin. I would like to remind those individuals that even Jesus was tempted to sin in his time on earth. The sin itself doesn’t lie within temptation, but rather it is in acting upon that temptation.

Everyone is bound to be tempted at one time or another, perhaps a husband will be having a beer with his buddies down at the local watering hole and some hot supermodel looking lady propositions him. By nature he will probably imagine all that would entail and even be tempted to act upon that proposition. I believe that the temptation in that situation is not the sin; but rather if he were to take her up on that offer, it would be.

While most women are probably surprised to hear or are even horrified by the idea of their man thinking of explicit images, especially ones of other women; A good proportion of those women would also see this as a betrayal of them, but they should take care to recognize that these thoughts are oftentimes uncontrollable – they just pop into a man’s head without warning.

One way that I believe women can show love, trust, and support for their man is by not berating them for looking at or even thinking of another woman from time to time (if it is excessive however you guys may have something much more serious to discuss). If you see your man looking at a noticeably beautiful woman, admit that you think she is beautiful (out loud), you will likely be alleviating some of the guilt that he may have been feeling for simply peeking at her and you will really show him how much you trust him.

Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this blog do not necessarily reflect the opinions of any individual other than that of the author of this blog. Shaunti Feldhahn is in no way affiliated with this blog and is only referenced as the respected author of “For Women Only: What you need to know about the inner lives of men” and “For Women Only: Discussion Guide.” If you find these posts interesting, please show her the respect of purchasing and reading her books so that you may grow yourself.

You can look, but don’t touch….

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In Shaunti Feldhahn’s book “For Women Only: What you need to know about the inner lives of men,” she discusses the natural urge for men to look at and or think of various women throughout the day.

I guess what challenged me most about this chapter was how the author explained that most women don’t have pictures and images of men going and going through their minds later on after they have seen them. I guess I must think more on the plane of a man, because while I don’t think I necessarily struggle with tiny little men dancing through my head all day everyday, it does happen on a relatively frequent basis.

I will admit there’s a difference from my mind the average male’s. I probably have my boyfriend’s image pop up in my head on a relatively higher ratio than what I would expect from him in respects to me. I am not afraid to admit that I do have a movie star or two will cross my mind on a relatively regular and sometimes frequent basis (depending on what movies I have been watching around that time of course).

Truth be told, I can completely understand why most men will take a good look at an “eye magnet” if they get the chance to. It is my belief that God created the form of a woman to be a work of beauty that is meant to be admired by the man. Oftentimes, I will even notice a particularly beautiful woman myself and have to admire her as such, but then again that may just be the artist in me talking.

It is my opinion that one of the many major problems with our society today is that it has confused beauty with sex I really am sympathetic  to every man’s plight of  being bombarded every day with sexual imagery. Unlike generations past where men would have to specifically seek out sexually explicit imagery, men today are inundated with sexual images in the media or even with many of the women walking around in public.

I find it kind of absurd when women today complain that they do not want to be seen as sexual objects and yet they are the ones wearing skimpy, tight, and revealing clothing. I have come to believe that modesty has been lost on the younger generations of today. I will even include my own generation in this statement. I can remember being teased for not dressing “fashionable.” Back in those days I would usually dress in the baggy clothes often attributed to a skater, these were not only comfy and utilitarian, but they also were modest. In all honestly I have always found tight shirts and low cut jeans quite slutty, and while I do dress much more fashionably today, I still do make many efforts to remain modest in my dress.

For many people there is a very fine line between temptation and sin. Oftentimes people will even blur them together saying that the temptation itself is a sin. I would like to remind those individuals that even Jesus was tempted to sin in his time on earth. The sin itself doesn’t lie within temptation, but rather it is in acting upon that temptation.

Everyone is bound to be tempted at one time or another, perhaps a husband will be having a beer with his buddies down at the local watering hole and some hot supermodel looking lady propositions him. By nature he will probably imagine all that would entail and even be tempted to act upon that proposition. I believe that the temptation in that situation is not the sin; but rather if he were to take her up on that offer, it would be.

While most women are probably surprised to hear or are even horrified by the idea of their man thinking of explicit images, especially ones of other women; A good proportion of those women would also see this as a betrayal of them, but they should take care to recognize that these thoughts are oftentimes uncontrollable – they just pop into a man’s head without warning.

One way that I believe women can show love, trust, and support for their man is by not berating them for looking at or even thinking of another woman from time to time (if it is excessive however you guys may have something much more serious to discuss). If you see your man looking at a noticeably beautiful woman, admit that you think she is beautiful (out loud), you will likely be alleviating some of the guilt that he may have been feeling for simply peeking at her and you will really show him how much you trust him.

Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this blog do not necessarily reflect the opinions of any individual other than that of the author of this blog. Shaunti Feldhahn is in no way affiliated with this blog and is only referenced as the respected author of “For Women Only: What you need to know about the inner lives of men” and “For Women Only: Discussion Guide.” If you find these posts interesting, please show her the respect of purchasing and reading her books so that you may grow yourself.

Let’s talk about sex baby…

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In Shaunti Feldhahn’s book “For Women Only: What you need to know about the inner lives of men,” she takes a whole chapter out to specifically discuss sex in marriage. She does also take the time to state that she believes it should only occur in th confines of marriage. With that in mind, this post will be written under that premise.

Honestly, I was a bit surprised to read that most married man carry an emotional connection to sex with their wives. It seems that you always hear so much in the media about how men are just animals and how they are just out to fill a carnal need. In understand that sex is indeed a very physical need for all men with numerous health benefits. I also have been aware that sex is emotional for most men on occasion and I was surprised to hear that it s more frequent than not when a man is in love.

An important thing that women should consider is what kinds of messages they are sending to their husbands when they initiate sex. When a man’s wife initiates sex with him, it can send a very powerful message saying that he is both wanted and desired by his wife. This can be empowering to him as a man and provide a significant boost to his self-worth that he would not be able to get anywhere else.

It seems that women should want to have relations with their husbands quite regularly, but that us not always the case. The most frequent complaint I have heard women give about why they aren’t intimate is that everyday life gets in the way and they are just too exhausted by the end of the day to consider being intimate.

Personally, I believe that it is very important for every man and woman to make regular exceptions to their routines for their own good and, perhaps more importantly, for their significant other’s good. When a man sees his wife break her regular routines in order to please him (or vice versa) it can assure them that they are deeply loved, honored and respected. In terms of sex, not only are the physical effects good for both parties involved, but, the emotional and psychological effects are innumerable.

At one point, Feldhahn quotes what one man believes, “In making love, there is one other person  in this world that you can be completely vulnerable with and be totally accepted and non-judged.” I believe that this guy speaks directly to the heart of what it is all about. I hope that someday my (future) husband will see sex in this light and feel that same way.

I truly hope and dream the in the future I will be able to create a happy and healthy home environment for my man to feel safe enough to completely be himself without worries or stress. I can only hope that he would hope for and work towards the same as well and we will be able to remain happy together.

Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this blog do not necessarily reflect the opinions of any individual other than that of the author of this blog. Shaunti Feldhahn is in no way affiliated with this blog and is only referenced as the respected author of “For Women Only: What you need to know about the inner lives of men” and “For Women Only: Discussion Guide.” If you find these posts interesting, please show her the respect of purchasing and reading her books so that you may grow yourself.

The Provider

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In Shaunti Feldhahn’s book “For Women Only: What you need to know about the inner lives of men,” she discusses the deeply rooted need that most men have to provide for their women and their families. All to often anymore, it seems that women are expected to provide on an equal level with their men. Unfortunately, it also seems that men are now told they are no longer needed to be providers. For me, it was a comfort to read that the traditional ideals of a man providing for his family are not completely lost.

Personally, I do not feel the need to take on the role as a primary fiscal provider one I have a family. It may sound a bit archaic and traditionalist, but I feel that once I start my family, my place is to be in the home taking care of my children.

Now I have no qualms if some women want to have careers. It’s no for me is all. I can work if I need to, I just prefer to stay at home taking  care of it and my family. I prefer to think that I will be the one socializing and raising my children rather than paying someone else to do it for me. To be perfectly honest, I would have an extremely difficult time spending all of the money I earn at my job on paying for daycare where someone else to do what I would rather be doing if I wasn’t working anyways. It just doesn’t make sense to me.

Now please understand that I do not believe that staying at home and raising my family means that I just want to stay at home watching daytime television and eating bon-bons (yuck to both!). Rather, I believe that a stay at home wife/mom’s responsibilities are to take care of the household.

As a single woman however, I do my best to take care of and fully provide for myself in order to lessen the already plentiful burdens that I lay upon my man. I do what I can to help him with his business so that he may provide for us using that someday.

Given that we do not live together, that fact that my man works many long hours does not affect us too deeply. It does on occasion interfere with our ability to see each other and spend time together. It is something that I oftentimes find frustrating, but I do my best to be supportive and encouraging of him in all of his efforts.

I do unfortunately find myself oftentimes complaining that I do not get to see my man as much when he is being responsible and building his business. I know he is doing this as a means to provide for his future family (he oftentimes reminds me of this), but I still am not always mindful of him in this, and unfortunately, I do not always appreciate the full depth of what he is doing. I am proud to say that I do sometimes, on occasion, get it right when I encourage and support him in his efforts and assure him that I believe in him and support him in everything he is doing.

Personally, I find a man’s need to provide as something wonderful. It all too often is a disappearing trait in this modern society as so many women make a point of beating men down for wanting to provide and care for their women. Rather than putting a man down with such a noble motivation, I believe that women should make every effort to validate and support their man’s need to provide for them.

Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this blog do not necessarily reflect the opinions of any individual other than that of the author of this blog. Shaunti Feldhahn is in no way affiliated with this blog and is only referenced as the respected author of “For Women Only: What you need to know about the inner lives of men” and “For Women Only: Discussion Guide.” If you find these posts interesting, please show her the respect of purchasing and reading her books so that you may grow yourself.

“Impostor Syndrome”

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According to Shaunti Feldhahn’s book “For Women Only: What you need to know about the inner lives of men,” a suprising percentage of men secretly suffer from a significant level of insecurity. In many (if not most) of these cases, men reported that they oftentimes feel like an impostor when faced with the unfamiliar and fear that their inexperience concerning the situation at hand will be found out.

I am not too surprised to hear about this. I know that with mu experience in the working world, I have frequently identified with the same concept of being an “impostor” and consequently, dealt with a good amount of insecurity and inadequacy. Oftentimes when I am out in the world or at work, I frequently worry about my coworkers and superiors discovering when I don’t know exactly what I am doing or when I lack experience in something, much like the men discussed in Feldhahn’s book.

Where I believe my case may differ from many of those men, is that I don’t think I am unsure about something. While I personally feel and oftentimes may fear that I am going to be “found out” for my secret uncertainties. truthfully, I don’t believe the external repercussions of being “found out” are as strong as if a man was “found out.”

I believe that it also differs in that I do not worry so much about being found out at home. when I feel loved and trusted at home, it is easy to open up and discuss my shortcomings and uncertainties that I fear being discovered at work or in public. I don’t let my “impostor syndrome” affect my home life.

I believe that it is important to create an affirming safe haven at home. In order to do this, I believe that one must provide an escape from the many stressful things that provide the many insecurities in our lives. One should also be very assuring of their trust in their man and his ability to provide for and take care of his family; especially by expressing their love and desire to be with him.

If/when I perceive insecurity in the man I am with, I oftentimes will begin to feel a bit of it as well. Mainly, I will feel insecure about my ability to build him up and strengthen him. In a way I will also feel bad for him in that he does not have a stronger woman to build him up where I have already failed.

I am sure that I also have unintentionally made my man feel more unsecure that before when I have taken the opportunity to tell him to do something “better” without even giving him a chance to try whatever it is that he is doing his way. Other times, I have been guilty of questioning “his way” when he was only trying whatever “it” is for the first time.

Sometimes when he is worn down on his business, I try to affirm him by praising his vast knowledge and experience. i try to let him know exactly how proud I am of him and how much I appreciate how he takes care of me. I also do my best to express to him just how confident I am that he will provide for me and our future family (assuming things keep going the way they are going).

In the end, I believe it is important for every woman to recognize a man’s need for her to build him up and express her trust, respect, love, and faith in him. These things (which to some women may seem small) are absolutely essential to assuring her man of her affections for him and oftentimes being able to put his insecurities to rest.

Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this blog do not necessarily reflect the opinions of any individual other than that of the author of this blog. Shaunti Feldhahn is in no way affiliated with this blog and is only referenced as the respected author of “For Women Only: What you need to know about the inner lives of men” and “For Women Only: Discussion Guide.” If you find these posts interesting, please show her the respect of purchasing and reading her books so that you may grow yourself.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

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In Shaunti Feldhahn’s book “For Women Only: What you need to know about the inner lives of men,” she discusses a number of things that are integral to a man’s inner psyche. These things can sometimes be overlooked by a woman who is unaware and/or uneducated on the things that make men and women so very different from each other.

Perhaps one of those things that is most overlooked in our society today is respect. A very enlightening thing that Feldhahn’s book teaches is that this is not a standalone detail. Very closely integrated with respect is trust. Now most women (such as myself) really do love and respect their man whole-heartedly, but the problem is, these things are oftentimes lost in translation between men and women.

The thing that seems to challenge me is how these things are lost in translation between my man and I. until reading about it, I had thought that I do  a pretty good job of expressing my respect and trust to my man, and consequently my love for him. What surprised me after some personal reflection and analysis, is that oftentimes it’s a lot of the smaller gestures that I have always assumed most men never noticed are the ones that really are monumental.  Unfortunately these are oftentimes the gestures that show the most disrespect and distrust instead of the love, respect, and trust you might try to express to him on a regular basis. Usually these things are hidden in simple and ordinary everyday occurrences.

For example, the other day, my man was driving us to Seattle as another car veered towards us and I instinctively gasped. Having just read about showing trust and respect through small gestures, I was mindful of how these small moments and actions can speak to a man. So, I said,”It’s not that I don’t trust you, I do. It’s just that I don’t trust that  [CENSORED] driving the black SUV over there.” He stayed focused on the road  (like the good driver he actually is) and said “No, you don’t trust me.”
“What are you talking about?!”
“No, you don’t trust me, because if you trusted me, you’d trust me  to be able to get out of the way of that [CENSORED] driver and avoid getting hit.”

After hearing that I was somewhat shocked. I’ve been telling my man that same thing since we started dating, thinking that I was expressing my trust in him, when in actuality, I have been expressing a significant amount of distrust. Consequently, I have been disrespecting him almost every time he was driving us around the [CENSORED] Seattle drivers on the road.

As if showing my man distrust and disrespect wasn’t enough, the truth is, many men (and women) connect those actions to the actual concept of being loved. While for most women, love is something that is purely emotional, most men will tie love and respect to each other that they end up practically indistinguishable. According to Feldhahn’s findings, many of the men surveyed and interviewed saw love and respect as the exact same thing.

This can sometimes lead to misunderstandings between couples. Men trying to express their love for their women will do so by showing her the utmost respect, but might be a bit emotionally disconnected. Women on the other hand might express a purely emotional love to their man but also be completely lacking in expressions of trust and respect. I believe it is when both man and women recognize these perceptions and needs (either consciously or subconsciously), that you see a couple who can be truly satisfied in their partners expressions of love.

It is not at all uncommon to find yourself unintentionally disrespecting your man (like you saw I have done earlier), there may be times where you are exceptional at trusting, loving, and respecting him – even when he is not around.

Historically, I have been known to moan, groan, and complain about my significant others to my friends, family, and coworkers behind his back (again, not to be intentionally disrespectful) as a means to air out my frustrations with him while avoiding a confrontation between us.

However, with the man I am with now, I find myself talking about how awesome and amazing he is even when he is nowhere around, and to people who have never even met him. I don’t ever find myself putting him down, but rather, I brag about him and how much I trust him to take care of my future.

I will admit, I do joke at his expense some. I would not be surprised at all to hear that the jokes I make tear him down some even. So I am now making an effort to shift what i say to be more constructive than destructive and praiseworthy such as commenting on all the awesome things he does for me and how lucky I really am to have him in my life.

In Feldhahn’s discussion guide for the book, she asks, “Consider the marriage advice of the Apostle Paul, ‘So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.’ (Ephesians 5:33) What us the connection of a husband loving his wife and a wife respecting her husband?”

I believe the answer is that a man will have a hard time believing that his wife loves him if there is no respect for him as survey results suggest that many men count love and respect to be one and the same. it is hard for a man to express love to his wife if he questions her love for him because of a lack of respect for him.

In conclusion, I believe that respect is perhaps the single most necessary thing for a woman to give the man she loves, as without it one might question if there ever really was love at all.

Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this blog do not necessarily reflect the opinions of any individual other than that of the author of this blog. Shaunti Feldhahn is in no way affiliated with this blog and is only referenced as the respected author of “For Women Only: What you need to know about the inner lives of men” and “For Women Only: Discussion Guide.” If you find these posts interesting, please show her the respect of purchasing and reading her books so that you may grow yourself.

“The Seven Revelations”

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In the first chapter to Shaunti Feldhahn’s book “For Women Only: What you need to know about the inner lives of men,” she introduces the reader to what she calls ‘the seven revelations.’ These are seven of the very most basic (and consequently important) commonalities that she found most men interviewed and/or surveyed had during Feldhahn’s research for her book which included hundreds of interviews and surveyed hundreds of men nationwide and from all sorts of walks of life and ages.

I am not going to go into very much detail as to what they all are here, as they will be covered in much better detail later on, but I also intend on limiting what I divulge of Feldhahn’s writings for multiple reasons:

  1. I do not wish to misrepresent anything she has written.
  2. I really believe that you should go out and buy the book so you can see and interpret it all for yourself.
  3. My whole purpose for doing this is personal growth. I am doing this book study for me and consequently for my man as I have every intention of being the best woman I can be for him.

I have decided to post what I have found in the hope that what I write may help someone out there, so if that is you, I would like to reiterate how much I think you should go buy a copy of Feldhahn’s book for yourself – I am sure there is much more for you there than you will find in my meager writings.

In her first chapter, Feldhahn introduces the “seven revelations” which are:

  • “Men need respect”
  • A woman doesn’t have to look like a model, but making an effort to take care of yourself speaks volumes to him.
    • He would rather feel like he is unloved than to have no respect.
  • “Men are insecure.”
    • Despite looking “in control” on the outside, men oftentimes feel like “imposters” and fear that their various inadequacies will be discovered.
  • “Men are providers.”
    • Even if you made enough money that he would not have to work, he would still feel like he needs to provide for you.
  • “Men want more sex.”
    • A woman’s sexual desire for her husband affects his overall sense of “confidence” and “well-being.”
  • “Men are visual.”
    • Even men who are happily married are drawn to and struggle with images of other women both externally and mentally.
  • “Men are unromantic clods.”
    • Most men want some degree of romance, but many hesitate out of fear that they will fail at it.
  • “Men care about appearance”
(Paraphrased from p. 15 of “For Women Only”)

In the discussion guide, (a highly recommended companion to the book) she asks “Which of the seven revelations are you implementing best and which one is most likely to require changes in your life?” My response was as follows:

I am pretty understanding about men being bombarded with thoughts about most every woman they see. I believe it’s something that can’t be helped for many men in our society given  the almost constant onslaught of sexual imagery and the current state of fashion lacking in any sense of modesty.

I think it would be beneficial to work on allowing my man to be more in control and expressing my confidence in him and his abilities. In the past I have always been very confident in my abilities to handle a lot of the “manly” fix-it type tasks, and I have a strong tendency to interject when i should probably just express my trust and confidence in his capabilities and remain silent as form of expressing my trust and respect. Just telling him that I believe in him can only really mean so much without a physical manifestation of it to truly show my feelings.

Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this blog do not necessarily reflect the opinions of any individual other than that of the author of this blog. Shaunti Feldhahn is in no way affiliated with this blog and is only referenced as the respected author of “For Women Only: What you need to know about the inner lives of men” and “For Women Only: Discussion Guide.” If you find these posts interesting, please show her the respect of purchasing and reading her books so that you may grow yourself.

Introduction: “For Women Only.”

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Recently, I have been studying a book called “For Women Only: What you need to know about the inner lives of menby Shaunti Feldhahn. (The copy I have also includes the discussion guide for the book as well and you may see me reference that on occasion as well.)This book is all about what every woman needs to know about the inner lives of men. Now, when I picked up the book, I was actually looking at it to see how I could make fun of it for the silly title expecting it to be some piece of completely laugh-worthy  feminist propaganda. After all, what the hell does a woman know about the inner workings of men? Her answer: Not much. but that does not mean a woman shouldn’t make an effort to try to understand the inner workings of her man and other men in general.

What I immediately liked about this book is that it is not only practical and easy to read, but she actually researched the topic with hundreds of personal interviews and broad spectrum surveys including men of all ages and walks of life. These interviews and surveys provide significant evidence to the points she makes in her writing, suddenly making it a somewhat credible and reliable book.

The truth is, our world is confused on gender roles and what every person male and female needs in a relationship. Contrary to much of the feminist propaganda of recent times, man and women are not the same. It is very important that a woman considers her role in a relationship as mutual and includes supporting and encouraging her man every day. This is a two-way road however and it should also be noted that it is also every man’s responsibility to  support and encourage his woman as well. It seems that anymore, the key components to  building and maintaining a happy and healthy relationship have been forgotten as they are not considered to be “progressive” enough by a number of influential people. It is my belief that this is also the cause of the rise in the divorce rate. These same progressive ideals that turn us away from a relationship building mentality, also teach us to watch out for “number one” above all others. it is because of this fact and a lack of healthy examples for the younger generations to see that some of the most basic relationship skills have been lost and are no longer passed from generation to generation.

So does this mean that I think we should go back to some kind of archaic thought process and social system where women stay at home and remain solely subservient to their men? No! If some woman decides she wants to be a lawyer or a doctor, then by all means she should be able to do and do that if she so chooses to. I just believe that if she would like to have a happy and healthy relationship, she should recognize the very basic internal and emotional needs for her man and make every effort to provide for those specific needs before moving forward with her own agendas or (God forbid) insisting that he give up on those needs in order to be with her.

So, Over the next few weeks (or however long this takes), I will be going over many of the key points in Feldhahn’s book, and answering a number of questions from the discussion guide (which just happened to be included at the back of my copy of the book). If you (like me) care about your man and want to understand him just a little bit better, I highly recommend checking out this book.

Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this blog do not necessarily reflect the opinions of any individual other than that of the author of this blog. Shaunti Feldhahn is in no way affiliated with this blog and is only referenced as the respected author of “For Women Only: What you need to know about the inner lives of men” and “For Women Only: Discussion Guide.” If you find these posts interesting, please show her the respect of purchasing and reading her books so that you may grow yourself.

And Now for Something Completely Different…

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Okay well maybe not completely different, probably just more of the same really. My life is changing more and more… it’s just crazy. Sometimes I feel like I am in this endless cycle that just repeats itself over and over again only with different names, places, and faces. yet now this time it’s a lot of the same names and faces… but all in different contexts…

So, I guess I will start on the religious front. I have been growing and growing in the lord which is awesome, but I guess that  couldn’t last too long without a struggle… so here it is; Spiritual warfare, and it sucks. My whole world has been falling down around me and my health is failing alongside it all.  Jason has been doing everything he can to try to help keep me afloat and growing — and his efforts have made a significant difference. I feel bad though because I know he wants to be my hero and fix it all and unfortunately he can’t. I am so afraid that I will drag him down with me. He keeps telling me its okay, but I know it affects him which worries me… I hate to see him hurting and I hate being a burden as well.

This is not my first bout of spiritual warfare since I accepted Christ back into my heart, I had a huge bout of it while I was in STC (Special Training Company) at Boot Camp. My SDI (Senior Drill instructor) and Chaplain helped me though it which was awesome… they kept me out of MHU (Mental Health Unit) for the duration of my stay there, a lot of my problems was indeed my health back then as well. Truth is I haven’t been 100% since before boot camp.I wasn’t healing and then I started having nightmares… HORRIBLE nightmares… The most vivid was the one that liked to repeat itself regularly…

WARNING: The following paragraph is very graphic skip to the next paragraph if you cannot handle gory creepy evil stuff…

In my nightmares I would dream of this post apocalyptic world where demon-zombie entities terrorized those of us who were left… It was more vivid than any horror movie has ever been and probably ever will be. They would attack innocent people and commit the worst atrocities. the most vivid image that still terrorizes me from time to time was when I witnessed (in my dream of course) one of these evil entities ripping a woman’s unborn child from her womb and devouring in front of her before consuming her piece by piece as well… It was stuff like that constantly terrorized my dreams…

So my SDI allowed me and a select few other girls who had a strong grasp on our Marine Corps “knowledge” (aka all the textbook type stuff they teach you at boot camp i/e history, customs, specs, etc.) to read novels during our study times in order to keep us motivated (and in my case sane)… It helped immensely. My Chaplain gave me various verses to reference and helped distract me with a small bible collection in my footlocker of all the free versions he was given to distribute to recruits… along with a number of tracts and whatnot…  It’s amazing how those simple small things got me though it all.

But now this is different, I am in the real world not sheltered from society and protected like I was at Recruit training… now I have to worry about money, rent, and food. Now I have a dog that depends on me. Moses Helps me through it all now… When I have my night terrors (although the dreams tend to be flashbacks of my father’s suicide and/or alternate realities where I am tormented by my family and my memories, and my current life situations… Very much like the trippy dreams in the movie Shutter Island.

The dreams aren’t the only thing attacking me either. I am battling a waking depression that has slowly seeped in and took a hold of me while I was on a business trip to Yakima last week and tried to get me on Sunday while I was at church. It was so bad in fact that I just sat down when I was helping Jason set up for Sunday School and zoned out… Church helped in the end, Rex (our pastor) gave a great sermon that used the example of a Simpsons episode and how it is important to lead by example and to be missionaries… Living the Christian lifestyle… It lightened the load very much, however, I still feel this ever-tightening noose… And it’s everything for me to not crack at times.

But I do know this, I will get though it. God will prevail as he always does. And most importantly I know that God is in fact on my side…

And now for something kind of related but still completely different…

In reference to my failing health; It’s a bleeping mystery. I’ve had this rash that started when I was sick back in January and it has just been getting exponentially worse as I go along. While I was in Yakima I started getting sicker with my stomach problem (which is still not ‘cured’ and now I am unable to afford my prescription for Protonix — a 30 day supply for the GENERIC is over $120!) and my rash spread ever further and now I have a new symptom, some of the spots actually hurt under the skin… like one of my ribs will get sharp pains and feel like it has cracked or it will have a dull ache for hours at a time without anything even touching it…

So I went to St. Joe’s ER last night and had them look at it all.. They weren’t at all concerned about my generally feeling ill and nauseous so much as the rash that covers my body from toe to scalp. Truth is they had no clue as to what to diagnose me as… So they concluded that it was “dermatitis” (which is a fancy word for “rash”) and sent me home with a few prescriptions for anti inflammitories and benedryl for itching… I am also to see a dermatologist ASAP so I have an Appointment for Thursday… Hopefully they will be able to figure it all out then… I pray it is not too serious.

I also need to quit my job. When they hired me they told me it was a M-F 9-6 job that also required 2 Saturdays a month… However in reality I am driving a shit ton and my car is taking a beating for it, I am not getting paid even remotely adequate for gas, and I am working 10-12 hours for only 8 hours a day. I cannot do this and I cannot find another Job while doing this, so I have to quit… I mean this job has me literally losing my hair!!!!

So yeah, as it stands I am looking at unemployment in the eye, I need to find a new place for me and Moses to live, (although that is somewhat handled… ) and I still don’t know what is wrong with me… on the plus side? I have Jason, and I love him, and he loves me and takes such good care of me… He’s a real source of strength and wonder for me… it’s amazing!