Tag Archives: babies

Learning to Dream again…

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Recently I have spent a good amount of my time focusing on developing my life goals and dreams. Sad to say, it seems that I have greatly lapsed in this skill since my school days, so now I am starting over from scratch as an adult. So the following are some questions I have snagged from Ravi Vora. I do not know him personally, however, I did find the post I have linked to particularly helpful in stimulate my brain back into dreaming big once again. So without further ado, here goes!

Q: If you had $100 million dollars what would you do? Money is no issue. just imagine what you would do with your life if money didn’t matter.

A: I would freely give back to all of my friends who have helped me along the way so far repaying their endless generosity with interest and enjoy changing their lives for the better as they have for me in the past. I would also have my own family and raise my children up teaching them about the world by showing them through travel and historical study. I want to be able to support any and all of their talents so that they can make a name for themselves.

Q: What do you think about when you think about Nothing? I believe that when you think about nothing, you are thinking about what you love. When I lay down at night and clear my head for sleep, something always comes rushing back in. The things I love most.

A: When I clear my head an think about nothing, the things that most often cross my mind are having a fmaily and raising them. I also think about having the time and money to adequately enjoy my hobbies and passions like my Viking Age reenactment, building guitars, and my photography. Mostly my thoughts are centered around raising my family to enjoy my passions with me.

Q: What makes you happy every day? Just one thing, however big or small. Expand upon this and you will be closer to figuring out your dream.

A: Jason make me happy every day by letting me know that I am loved and cherished. he makes me feel as it his love and blind affection are completely unconditional for me. All I’ve ever really wanted is to love and be loved and he provides me with this every day.

Q: If you had 60 minutes to live what would you do? Sometimes in your last moments you make crazy decisions. These are our gut instincts and can be associated to our big dream.

A: I would gather my dearest friends and relatives and tell them all that I love them. I would hope that Jason would honor my by marrying me (before God) before I die and spend my last moments with the family that loves me wholly and completely.

Q: What is one thing about your life that you would change right now? Got it? Now change it.

A: I would fix my finances and be ready to get married… I want a family and the love that I believe I will be able to express once I get to have a family of my own.

Q: How do you define success? From having a million stamps to having a million friends on Facebook, success is a general term that each of us define for ourselves. Once you know what your definition of success is, you will be able to go for it.

A: I believe that someone  is successful when they have found what  is meaningful in their lives and have afforded themselves the opportunity to balance that with their spirituality and home life. This also means that one has found a functional and lawful way of achieving this in society.

Q: If you wrote your autobiography, how would you want people to remember you? If you want people to remember you a hero, then start working towards that goal.

A: I want to be remembered as someone who has overcome the many turmoils in life and loved freely, laughed, often and gave much to the world.

Q: If you could visit one place in the world, where would it be? Making a concrete choice will lead you to what you need and will start to drive you towards that place.

A: For me it is hard to choose just one place. But I guess where I would like to go most of all someday is to Disneyland with my (future) family. I want to show them the place where everyone can be a child just like my father showed me.

Q: What is one thing that interests you more than anything else? Whether it’s a hobby, and object, or a person, there’s something you’re interested in so much that it drives you. figure out why you are so interested in it and you will find your big dream.

A: The one thing that drives me is the idea of having a family, Raising them and loving them. I’m interested in it because I love and want to be loved without it ever being circumstantial.

Q: What do you hate doing? Sometimes you can find what you want to do by eliminating what you dislike doing.

A: I hate when I am forced to be false and work below my skill level. I don’t like fulfilling obligations to those who belittle me because in the end they are always going to tear me down.

Q: Who do you admire most? If they have what you want then maybe they are living your dream (or have lived it). Figure out how to live that dream too.

A: I admire those who are able to love, be loved, and love themselves freely. I admire those who have a healthy and happy family life

Q: What is one thing you would change about the world? Now go change it.

A: I’d change all the propaganda that teaches people to be one thing or another because society says so rathewr than to follow their passions and fulfill their responsibilities to God and their loved ones.

Q: What are you doing when you feel the most alive? Is it  skydiving? Writing? Speaking in front of people? Whatever gives you the thrill of living is a great indication as to what you want to really do with your life.

A: I feel the most alive when I am able to forget all the many demons in my life and rather spend my time freely loving on those who deserve it and return their love to me as well.

Q: What was the happiest moment of your life? Find a way to make that moment last the rest of your life.

A: I don’t think it’s happened yet, but rather is going to happen wen I can finally say I have a family.

Q: What is one thing you would change about your past? When we look into our past, we can see what will affect our future. So you can either figure out a way to make that a positive part of your past, or learn from it and move forward. Either way, you’re finding the change to point to your dream.

A: I would have appreciated my family more when we actually got along in my youth. I wish I could have known what I would be mission before it was actually missing.

I’ve been thinking a lot… (a letter to Noah)

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I would be nothing of who I am right now without you… Yet strangely enough one of my best friends from High school and beyond has come along and I think it’ll work… even if it is long distance while we’re in the military… (yeah I am going back… It’s unfinished business now…)

We would’ve been great together; and I know we would have made it work… we could have been happy too. I am fairly confdent in that; and with that I will always love you… and you will always be the father of my first child… Nothing will change that. We loved it that much I know… For the first time since we lost our baby i am pretty sure I am going to be okay. I still wish I had tried harder for us and didn’t run; but I think that fate decided it had something different in store for us when I did.

I know you are doing good for yourself and you’re gonna be okay; but if you EVER need me I am here… there’s that bond we share that can’t be destroyed… circumstances don’t allow a close friendship so much; but you will always be in my thoughts and in my heart.

I am getting an orchid on my ankle for our baby. I want you to know. It’s not fair we lost it. there is nothing fair about it…. and the bond that child made from me to you will ever keep you tied to me; but please, do me a favor and make sure you are happy; find yourself the right girl if you find you aren’t already with her… (I think you just might be…) and make lots of little noahs…. the world needs more of you in it.

We never talked about losing it though; not really. I think we should have; maybe we still should… either way I will always be here for you… no matter the circumstance, no matter where I am, I will do whatever I can to help you… And plus; I still owe you and dusty a beer.

I hope this letter isn’t overwhelming; the content isn’t very light… but I needed to get it off my chest. I’m forever bonded to you in some special way and I know that I want you happy…

Best wishes Noah; my forever friend.

~KD

“One cannot be far away from the den for too long.”

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I guess I was bottling up some aggression because last night while laying in bed trying to sleep I was awake an burdened to thinking about whether putting up with all Brad’s stuff is worth it… I got to thinking I was going to write all my people up North to see if I could get some crash space until I got on my feet again given that I have been investing everything I have in a life down here…. Then I started to think about all of my past serious relationships and I realized that this one is no different in many ways that they were perfect in others… The great source of my dissension is that I am in a completely unfamiliar environment…

This morning Brad woke up early… and consequently so did I… except I was up to two AM thinking (although he wouldn’t have known it…. It was hot in the hotel room…. so I was boiling (aside from the fact that I am still getting rid of my fever I have had for the last few days) which is very unusual for me… usually I am freezing… so yeah…. But any ways I woke up early and Brad asked me what my pet peeves are and why I have been so frustrated lately… (he noticed — good sign) So after talking for a bit about all of the stuff that has been going on, he called me out on a lot of my bullshit and I explained how I fight fire with fire… so yeah… things calmed down a lot… we just needed to talk about the things that make us all crazy… like Brad thinks I am too loud… I’m not so sure I can or want to change that… I like who I am and how I am not scared to voice my opinion… Brad gets embarrassed if I joke about fat people but then he says he doesn’t want Obama to be president because he’s black….. I’m not too into Obama (or any of the other candidates) are that great…. but at the same time I don’t consider him disqualified because he’s not white… I mean WTF?!? I don’t know if I can deal with that. Then the great childbirth debate came up again… he asked me if I want a natural childbirth because of my “freaky hippie Viking” stuff I quote… What the fuck?! I have made a strong point about how passionate I am about my reenactment and he goes of and calls me a fucking hippie!!! Now tell me how that is not offensive??? If his attitude doesn’t change on that one I am gone… Worst place I can end up is in my mommy’s loft until I can afford a place again…. (God… I would almost rather die!!!) Although Sven and Anne have always offered up their camper when the hard times come….

Have I fooled myself into loving a man that does not exist outside of an immensely romantic fairy tale? Wouldn’t be the first time…

Oh piss…. this stupid Internet connection is driving me crazy!!!