In the first chapter to Shaunti Feldhahn’s book “For Women Only: What you need to know about the inner lives of men,” she introduces the reader to what she calls ‘the seven revelations.’ These are seven of the very most basic (and consequently important) commonalities that she found most men interviewed and/or surveyed had during Feldhahn’s research for her book which included hundreds of interviews and surveyed hundreds of men nationwide and from all sorts of walks of life and ages.
I am not going to go into very much detail as to what they all are here, as they will be covered in much better detail later on, but I also intend on limiting what I divulge of Feldhahn’s writings for multiple reasons:
- I do not wish to misrepresent anything she has written.
- I really believe that you should go out and buy the book so you can see and interpret it all for yourself.
- My whole purpose for doing this is personal growth. I am doing this book study for me and consequently for my man as I have every intention of being the best woman I can be for him.
I have decided to post what I have found in the hope that what I write may help someone out there, so if that is you, I would like to reiterate how much I think you should go buy a copy of Feldhahn’s book for yourself – I am sure there is much more for you there than you will find in my meager writings.
In her first chapter, Feldhahn introduces the “seven revelations” which are:
- “Men need respect”
- A woman doesn’t have to look like a model, but making an effort to take care of yourself speaks volumes to him.
- He would rather feel like he is unloved than to have no respect.
- “Men are insecure.”
- Despite looking “in control” on the outside, men oftentimes feel like “imposters” and fear that their various inadequacies will be discovered.
- “Men are providers.”
- Even if you made enough money that he would not have to work, he would still feel like he needs to provide for you.
- “Men want more sex.”
- A woman’s sexual desire for her husband affects his overall sense of “confidence” and “well-being.”
- “Men are visual.”
- Even men who are happily married are drawn to and struggle with images of other women both externally and mentally.
- “Men are unromantic clods.”
- Most men want some degree of romance, but many hesitate out of fear that they will fail at it.
- “Men care about appearance”
(Paraphrased from p. 15 of “For Women Only”)
In the discussion guide, (a highly recommended companion to the book) she asks “Which of the seven revelations are you implementing best and which one is most likely to require changes in your life?” My response was as follows:
I am pretty understanding about men being bombarded with thoughts about most every woman they see. I believe it’s something that can’t be helped for many men in our society given the almost constant onslaught of sexual imagery and the current state of fashion lacking in any sense of modesty.
I think it would be beneficial to work on allowing my man to be more in control and expressing my confidence in him and his abilities. In the past I have always been very confident in my abilities to handle a lot of the “manly” fix-it type tasks, and I have a strong tendency to interject when i should probably just express my trust and confidence in his capabilities and remain silent as form of expressing my trust and respect. Just telling him that I believe in him can only really mean so much without a physical manifestation of it to truly show my feelings.
Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this blog do not necessarily reflect the opinions of any individual other than that of the author of this blog. Shaunti Feldhahn is in no way affiliated with this blog and is only referenced as the respected author of “For Women Only: What you need to know about the inner lives of men” and “For Women Only: Discussion Guide.” If you find these posts interesting, please show her the respect of purchasing and reading her books so that you may grow yourself.