“One cannot be far away from the den for too long.”


I guess I was bottling up some aggression because last night while laying in bed trying to sleep I was awake an burdened to thinking about whether putting up with all Brad’s stuff is worth it… I got to thinking I was going to write all my people up North to see if I could get some crash space until I got on my feet again given that I have been investing everything I have in a life down here…. Then I started to think about all of my past serious relationships and I realized that this one is no different in many ways that they were perfect in others… The great source of my dissension is that I am in a completely unfamiliar environment…

This morning Brad woke up early… and consequently so did I… except I was up to two AM thinking (although he wouldn’t have known it…. It was hot in the hotel room…. so I was boiling (aside from the fact that I am still getting rid of my fever I have had for the last few days) which is very unusual for me… usually I am freezing… so yeah…. But any ways I woke up early and Brad asked me what my pet peeves are and why I have been so frustrated lately… (he noticed — good sign) So after talking for a bit about all of the stuff that has been going on, he called me out on a lot of my bullshit and I explained how I fight fire with fire… so yeah… things calmed down a lot… we just needed to talk about the things that make us all crazy… like Brad thinks I am too loud… I’m not so sure I can or want to change that… I like who I am and how I am not scared to voice my opinion… Brad gets embarrassed if I joke about fat people but then he says he doesn’t want Obama to be president because he’s black….. I’m not too into Obama (or any of the other candidates) are that great…. but at the same time I don’t consider him disqualified because he’s not white… I mean WTF?!? I don’t know if I can deal with that. Then the great childbirth debate came up again… he asked me if I want a natural childbirth because of my “freaky hippie Viking” stuff I quote… What the fuck?! I have made a strong point about how passionate I am about my reenactment and he goes of and calls me a fucking hippie!!! Now tell me how that is not offensive??? If his attitude doesn’t change on that one I am gone… Worst place I can end up is in my mommy’s loft until I can afford a place again…. (God… I would almost rather die!!!) Although Sven and Anne have always offered up their camper when the hard times come….

Have I fooled myself into loving a man that does not exist outside of an immensely romantic fairy tale? Wouldn’t be the first time…

Oh piss…. this stupid Internet connection is driving me crazy!!!


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