So my amazing little sister came up with this great idea of having a livejournal account so that we can post a more private sort of journal… one where the viewers can be more controlled than our Myspace pages… and with less drama when we block an entry… So yeah I think it’s a good idea for me too…
Truth is I just wrote an entry and lost it because I am living in a hotel with a crappy WIFI connection until Brad finds us an apartment… been here for about a month almost… it’s a cheap hotel; but I could really enjoy a home cooked meal or two… and it couldn’t hurt our financial status… Brad says he wants to propose; but then I have my doubts about a significant future because he’ll say or do something that royally pisses me off… like tell me that I will be having our babies in a hospital. He has good intentions for this all, but really, this is too much – I would rather have my babies at home with a midwife than strap my feet into some cold surgical steel stirrups in a dirty hospital where they don’t give a rat’s damn about you unless you pay through the nose… I could go on but what is the point… I guess I could make some concessions if I must; but honestly I would like to have as natural a pregnancy and childbirth as possible… I/e eat decent organic foods and not be doped up while giving birth… I know it’ll hurt but people did it for thousands of years without hospitals; why can’t it be all right now?
And of course there are other frustrations that offend… like how he doesn’t clean up his mess when he shaves… hair in the sink and water all over the counter… I have told him numerous times but he doesn’t realize how much it drives me crazy… I don’t clean it all up out of love… it’s out of disgust for the filth… I know I have never been known to be a neat-freak; but there are points where I get crazy… grrack!
I do love him but I question my wisdom of throwing my whole life away here for him… I did that for Noah and found that to be a horrible mistake… I then left hoping he would follow me; but he did not… I guess we were never meant to be; but I do find myself thinking of him… at least when we were together I had only given up parts of my life… not all of it… Now I have no rockabilly, no guitar building, no SCA, no Viking household, no friends, nothing. I have a Myspace account and a hotel room… and hopefully a job soon enough…. if that one didn’t get too blown… *Sigh* if I just made a friend or two here that could make all of the difference… like if Brad has any and could introduce me to some… but I have my doubts — he is just like my dad and just as much of a workaholic… so I think I need to find some shows for us and whatnot… *Sigh* Life is so much more complicated than it seems.