Monthly Archives: August 2007

Farewell The Jet City Fix

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You guys have kinda been epic in my life… I wouldn’t be who I am today if it werent for you guys and going to your shows and getting to know you guys… I’ve now watched you guys and enjoyed you guys from the beginning to the end…

Back in the days when I was too young to go to your guys’ shows and Ty still worked at GC…. he’d play me a riff or hum a few bars… I even remember him telling me that he was gonna start a band with his brother Justin and how excited he was… and over time meeting the rest of the band and hearing it more… turning 18 and finally getting to see you guys at an all ages show… and welcoming me with open arms… showing me what it’ really all about.

You guys showed me what’s so unique about the Tacoma scene that is just awesome. How we’re a family…. and yet you guys also bridged the Gap to Seattle and celebrated being from there seamlessly… You guys were and always will be a true celebration of rock and our region… and I will also always love you and respect you as the total bad ass big brothers you’ve proven yourselves to be over the years…

I know it’s not completely dead… mainly a change of name… but still it’s kinda an epic time in my life anyways and since you guys were so epic in my life as well… so the timing is just right and the meaning is much more to me… Thank you for being what you were and are and always be…

Can’t wait to see what come!!! It can only keep getting better… and Jet city will always be rockin!!! YEAH!

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Nervous and Shaky…

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So I’m sweating… nervous and shaky… I know I need to take the goddamn pills… I’ll never make it through the dentist like this….. feeling false pains that I don’t know are there.. trying to find an excuse… any excuse.. I don’t want to fall down again… not into that trap… feeling the edge of the blade that cut me so very many times… The haze I left behind me seven years ago seems all too close now… I almost called for more… I really did… halfway dialed the numbers and stopped… I think I’ll need help this time.. I am not as strong as I was last time… I don’t want to fall down now… I can’t fall back into tat trap… It’ll start with the pills… and the huffing.. just like it did then… and then it’ll get worse.. I’m sure Jeremy’s still into it… He’s gotto be… I can’t imagine him not being… 4 days of high… No matter who told me what was right I knew it was too much for me… I kept taking them and taking them… Threw the bottle away… but its still haunting me.. I don’t have dad to save me now… not this time… I don’t have him staying up with me “watching movies” or “going out to dinner” if anyone knew what his trust did for me… if anyone knew at all…. and yet I am struggling.. Maybe I need NA this time… after all Jeremy did… and Dad went to AA every once in a while… maybe it’s just my turn… but what if I bump into Jolen… Do I want him knowing that side to me? I’m getting that earache I used to get…back in the day… the one only a high could get rid of… does anyone else have that???

Why did I lie to everyone today? Even Jack… he’d understand… he’s been there… I know I didn’t want to burden Jolen…. he’s got that kid getting off heroin… I’m not that bad off… what if I go and they all look at me like I am nuts??? naw there’s people who have been in and out for years…. NO it’s not that simple… not at all… the fucking cold sweat… trying to hide the chills by saying it’s hot… I know what is happening to me…. I’m still coming down..

Everyone was saying “lucky you” when they heard I was on Vicodin… Yes I needed it.,.. the pain was horrible… but was it really that bad??? I think I was just impatient… or was a secretly hoping for a few days to escape??? I don’t fucking know… but who do I go to? jack endears me so… Jeremy…. I can’t do that to him… I am the good kid…. I’m always the good kid!!! DON’T THEY KNOW THAT’S WHAT BROUGHT ME TO THEM IN THE FUCKING FIRST PLACE?!?!?! Maybe I can look up a meeting… drag another person too and hide behind them…. no can’t do that… they make you admit it… where the fuck will I find help now??? I so badly want to impress Jolen… Why am I so concerned with that…. I’ve been fine playing my little game of life thus far… what’s the big change now???? What makes Jolen so special… I know it’s not just the looks… I’ve never been that into the looks…. Even tough he’s damn sexy… His smile? yes it warms me to the core… but no… his kiss? I lose myself in the moment… but I really didn’t fall until he showed me his coins and his love for his daddy… there’s something special about a guy who admits his faults… and loves his daddy… maybe in him I saw my real self… Dad was my world… I did everything for him because he was the only one that ever noticed…. Fucking cold sweat… and I am thinking like a tweaker looking for my next fix…. I probably shouldn’t take the pills… but they are prescribed… and It’s only for a dentist appt…. maybe I can be brave…. But remember the fear? crying during the consultation…. just this once get over the initial fear…. Jack and Jeff both said it’s okay… right on…. just this once… and then we’ll see how we’re doing….

I won’t go back. I need help… I will look up the meetings once this dental nightmare is over… I will confide in myself… this is really helping… I don’t have daddy this time… I really do need the help… oh god I can’t believe it… 7 years… almost gone…. and a stupid toothache brings me back to wanting…. maybe I will call Gunny and have a chat with him… Maybe he’ll help me out… Maybe I should go to meetings…. I think I should call Gunny first… I think I am losing it….

Innocent like highschool…

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So yeah… I think I have my first crush since I left Noah… and not the rebound kind… it’s kind of funny because I don’t really know the guy very well… but when we talked he was totally cool… and a mutual friend said that he was definitely a good kid… I hope so… but I don’t even know if he is really that interested… he seemed to be… but he’s also a busy guy I suppose.. *sigh* I dunno for sure exactly what’s going on…

It’s kinda like high school again in that innocent the guy down the hall from me is cute sorta sense… so innocent a crush… and yet I have no idea what he thinks of me or anything…. I hope he asks me out!

As for my goddamn tooth… I wanna kill it!!!! ‘Cept it’s already dead… grrrg!!! Trying to hold off on taking the Vicodin… but I think I just might have to soon… otherwise I doubt I’ll get much sleep…

Demographics and why I can’t get a date… (Sad but true…)

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So I looked up some of the population statistics for Tacoma (at http://tacoma.areaconnect.com/statistics.htm) and did a little math….

So the population for Tacoma is 193,556

Given that I would Ideally like to date a local male We’ll use that demographic…. 48.78% of the population of Tacoma is male — so there are 94419 males in Tacoma.

No that’s not too bad a number really — except I am not into pedophilia and really I would like to date someone somewhat close to my age neh? so let’s do some age demographics….

7.34% of Tacoma’s full population is 20 to 24 age range… that means that 14212 of Tacoma’s population is 20 to 24 years old.

15.44%of Tacoma’s full population is 25 to 34 years old…. so that means Tacoma has 29891 people aged 25 to 34 years old.

Since I am okay with dating both these age groups let’s add up these numbers together and call it KD’s Dateable age range…. So, using the above figures, Tacoma has 44103 people in KD’s Dateable age range. That is still a healthy number but let’s start getting down to business….

But I don’t want to date anyone that is already married (go figure), or live with their parents, and I also am not too fond of the idea of dating someone who’s got kids… (although given the right guy I’ll probably make an exception) so let’s take them married and parental folks out of the equation right now… The percentage of Non-family households in Tacoma is 39.69% which would mean that 26599 people in Tacoma are members of non-family households in my dateable age range.

I’m also not to keen on the idea of hooking up with someone that is institutionalized… (i/e crazy, in long term rehab, or jail, etc.) so let’s just get rid of those people… 1.57% of Tacoma’s population is institutionalized… so subtracting that 1.57% leaves 26181 people.

Because I am seeking a heterosexual relationship at this time in this statistical effort I should probably sort out the number of homosexuals here… the percentage I am working with is from another website found at https://www.law.ucla.edu/williamsinstitute/publications/SameSexCouplesandGLBpopACS.pdf.

So according to this website approximately 6.5% of Tacoma’s population is homosexual…. that leaves 24479 straight people between the ages of 20 and 34….

Now let’s find out approximately how many of those 24479 straight, unmarried, people between the ages of 20 and 34 who don’t live with their parents are actually male.

Going off the earlier male/female percentage ratios, 11941 of the above people are Male and 12538 of the above people are female.

Now that is still a decent number, however there is still an important albeit not so pretty defining factor. I’m generally only attracted to White guys yes there has been an exception here and there, but given that we are talking statistics we will just for the sake of argument say I only date white guys… The percentage of white people in Tacoma is 69.08%

69.08% of 11941 men in my dateable age range in Tacoma is approximately 8249.

so realistically there are 8249 men in Tacoma that are statistically dateable… not including people in relationships etc. and yet I still can’t get a decent date… How depressing….