Monthly Archives: December 2006

I’m happy… is that so wrong?

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How come is is so hard for me to say I am happy? How come everytime I try to say it people look at me as if it is all lies? So here, I am going to say it…

I am HAPPY!!!

Don’t disbelieve me because I’ve had a few hard knocks — believe it or not but you will have some too someday… I don’t care who you are; you will have them. It’s only then that you will understand; no, you will not ‘get over it’ but you will learn to live with it…. and if the circumstances are right you will understand the meaning of life… But for those who have not had the opportunity I have this to say to you…

The meaning of life is the pursuit of happiness… the definition for this is different for everyone; for some people their utmost and highest is fishing at the pier; others working on their cars, some play video games and some make music. Strangely enough I have seen many a ‘tortured artist’ who when finds themselves at their happiest when there’s a bit of turmoil in their lives…

Something dad said before he died… an offhand comment about being unhappy — haven’t really thought about it until now… he said he’d failed at it… he was so unhappy and he’d failed. Until his suicide I didn’t understand.. and now I do… He’d failed at finding it.

Everyone wonders it but few realize when they find it… the one thing that drives them… too many are confused by society anymore… society says you are nothing until you go to college or are upper management in some corporation… anymore it is a crime for a woman to want to stay at home and be a house wife… the working class is getting fucked more and more… little do people realize anymore is that the people of the working class are the cones that are the closest to achieving it…

I’ve got it… I know what I want…

Is it so crazy that I want to get married and have kids? I want three of them… and I want to stay at home and raise them. I want to build guitars out of the basement of my dream house and work on my hot rods with my husband and friends. I want to take my kids to sports practices and watch them in their school plays…I want a working class man who knows how to provide; I don’t necessarily want to be rich… but rather happy with my family… Is that so wrong?

So I’ve not yet graduated; shit happens… does that make me a failure? does that make me useless? I’ve already been to more college than most adults over 40… and I have already been an assistant manager… I’m only 21 and I’ve gained more rank and status than most people my age can hope for… So what’s so wrong with me?

Add to that the fact that I have found love; not just the passing summer love infatuation or an uncontrollable lust; but actual love… the kind that makes you anxious and excited for the future… I want to spend my life with him and I am happy… He makes my life so much better… when I hurt he makes it better when I ache he holds me until he can make it better… He’s my dream come true… and I love him. How can that be so wrong?