Crap. I’ve been trying to deny it… Trying to ignore it. Trying to do everything but move on. A year and a half it lasted… and was beautiful – at the time it seemed like all of my dreams were coming true… but go figure, I’m just some little toy to him. It seems like everyone who matters told me how I now see it really was.. Ty was the first one – sometimes I hate the way he is always right… I barely know the guy, and yet somehow I am always able to talk to him about things and emotions I cannot seem to get out anywhere else… even myself sometimes… He also tells me how things really are… he’s always right… he was right about this guy, and getting over my dad… It’s crazy. People that know us both always relay his life to me, they say I love him – I say he needs to get famous already so that I can tell people to shrug it off as just some crush one a celebrity.
Anyways – as I was saying, Ty was the first to tell me it won’t work and that he won’t commit – bastard was right again. Everyone else said it too… Billy, Josh, Susan, even those that wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt warned me about the strong chance of this happening… and when it did I still didn’t want to admit it. I asked him to commit – he gets a vasectomy. grr.
He was too old for me anyways.. Way too old. I mean yeah I like older men, but damn. It’s not like I cared then though.. That didn’t stop me from loving him… I still do really – i think that is the part that makes me so mad. I know I deserve someone better – for example, someone who will actually show to my birthday party… But I am so goddamn picky it’s fucking pathetic. All of the guys that meet my standards are taken!
God I am stupid!